What Are Our Own Perceptions? By John Elliott Aka Oaky Wood©2006 Yes exactly what are our own perceptions, all to often we allow our past to rule our today’s, and govern what we will become tomorrow. We are told we are useless by our peers so we go through life believing in that concept. Never wanting to change through fear of ridicule or actual failure and the inevitable, “I told you so’s” We can all aspire to whatever we wish, but yes we must cast away those threads of doubt haunting us from our past. Only you can control the power others have over you. Happiness does come from within, and being self aware, of being happy with what, and who you are, only then can you be the real you, only then will you achieve your goals. One of the best ways to dispel these fears of failure is to look within yourself for the one thing you are really good at, be it looking after children or being a friend or a poet, you may be good at relating facts to others, a storyteller maybe. It could be a hobby, painting for instance or drawing, do you like cooking or baking, or even charitable pursuits. Even the smallest thing can be elevated. A sport or health and fitness, literally anything you are good at can help change the way you are, or the way yourself and others perceive you My own parents told me I was nothing more than a miner’s son, and should accept this fact, and not rock the boat by trying to be anything more than this. My education was basic state education where we were all taught to be miner’s sons and carry on the tradition laid down by our forefather’s or be happy prissy little housewives, prepared for nothing more than stay at home and raise a brood of kids. Taking that one element you can then aspire to greater levels and create inner happiness and the self-esteem builds on the success you are then creating for yourself. Everyone is good at one thing the trick is finding that one small thing you can build on. We often go through life never realizing what our one talent actually is and often it really does take a friend to point this out, so do listen when they say, “You’re really good at this or that aren’t you”. Once you begin on the road to building success’s, the pat’s on the back the well done’s all add to your inner state of well being. And success builds confidence and your inner happiness grows with it. Your past fears are then history and can only hurt you if you let them. By John Elliott Aka Oaky Wood©2006 John Elliott Aka Oaky Wood is currently the Co-Founder of "The Corner 4 Women©2006" http://thecorner4women.com is a Poet, writer, artist, webmaster and designer. He is also the owner of the Oakwood Grafix©2005 Group of websites http://www.oakwoodgrafix.co.uk/ This article may be reproduced provided it is unedited in any way with all links intact, and the copyright is retained by its original author above.

Hello John and Luella, That's absolutely true John ... people and past events can only hurt you as long as you allow them to. The very basics of human nature is made up of complexities, fears, doubts and so forth and so on ... The very society in which we live has become more and more difficult and unstable, full of uncertainty and fear. People put other people down for a variety of reasons: 1) Their own, personal, insecurities, so putting someone down makes them feel good about themselves; 2) Their own unrealised dreams, that they had little, or no courage to face for fear of failure, or that they even failed at ... not really fully committed at trying; 3) In a parent's case, it could be a defence mechanism for the offspring, in so much that a stable pay check at the end of the month provides a home and a family with whatever is necessary, whereas an uncalculated risk could mean disaster. Parents never want to see their children suffer for whatever reasons. 4) Self image preservation, in confrontation with another person, i.e. they maintain superior standing instead of appearing less capable or smart or whatever. 5) They don't know anything different. It's the way they were raised. People often fear change because they don't know what's on the horizon. And the list could go on ... The important thing, I agree, is to learn to listen to the inner voice ... let go of the past and the hurt in order to move forward and taking a chance on the self, in the belief that a person can be anything they choose to be. A technique I found helpful was to sit down and analyse all the people around me who put me down and tried to stop me from doing anything I really wanted ... , starting with my parents and family members. I thought about their life and their parents life ... their missed opportunities, their hopes and dreams and anything else I could come up with ... once I put it all into perspective I looked upon them as simple human beings and was able to look at them in a new light ... Visualising each of them in turn, in my mind, I would say to myself repeatedly... ... I forgive you because it's the way you are, it's the way you were brought up, it's how you deal with you in this world and I will always accept and love you for who you are ... but you are not me ... I am me ... I want to be ... I believe I can be ... and therefore I will be .... Once a person can say this to themself, a whole new perspective begins to come to light and it's amazing what can be achieved ... the human imagination is the only limiting factor!!! Have a great week everyone ... Venerina

Hi John I remember a few years ago I decided to frequent the gym to lose weight and generally improve my appearance. My friends thought I was silly, but by becoming more healthy I've managed to stave off the maladies and ills of the 60+ age group. If I'd been content to just be "one of the boys" as was expected, I would now be among the throng at the doctor's surgery. This activity has also helped me, as you've written above, to raise my self-esteem and create inner happiness. PS: I still have a weakness for apple and cream turnovers! Cheers, John

Hello Luella & John, I have not long been your friends and this is my first time actually reading these forums. I wanted to post a few messages, but held back from doing so, until now that is. It was 22 years ago when I was out of a job and had my wife and two young children to support, my self esteem was at its lowest. I went along to an employment agency about an advertised position I was interested in, at the end of the interview I was told that it would be hard to get a job because of the way I came across. They told me about a 3 day course that might help me to improve my self esteem. So I went and as the course began we were all asked to write down the name of the person, in the group, they would least want to be with, going on first impressions. Yes you guessed it, all but one wrote down my name, the one that didn't was me of course. How do you think I felt. Anyway it turned out to be a shock therapy course and there was many a tear to be shed by all during that 3 days. I went home a changed person and thought that was the end the past and looked forward to the future. Bang, within a few days I was back to normal again, my self esteem had gone. 22 years on there isn't much change, I have my highs but something tells me thats enough and I drop back again. It's a long way to get to the point, how can reading help change peoples life so easily. Thanks for finishing this post. John.

Hello Venerina, Thank you so much for your very insightful post. It is full of wonderful tips. I am sure it will help many. Kindest regards, Luella May and John Elliott, aka Oaky Wood