A smile costs nothing, but gives much.
It enriches those who receive,
Without making poorer those who give.
It takes but a moment,
But the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.

None is so rich or mighty
That he can get along without it.
A smile creates happiness in the home,
Fosters good will in business,
And is the countersign of friendship.

It brings rest to the weary,
Cheer to the discouraged,
Sunshine to the sad,
And it is natures best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged,
Borrowed, or stolen,
For it is something that is of no value
To anyone until it is given away.

Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
Give them one of yours,
As none needs a smile so much
As he who has no more to give.

From: The Deerlake Weekly Letter

Have A Blessed Weekend My Friends,

Phil

Hi Cheryl,

It's so good to see you here my Friend and I'm always happy to share a Smile with such Good Friends. Here's a few more laughs that I just got in my Inbox today...

Old Friends

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting at that park every sunny day for over 12 years, chatting and enjoying each other's friendship.

One day the younger of the two turned to the other and said, "Please don't be angry with me, dear, but I am embarrassed after all these years. What is your name? I am trying to
remember, but I just can't."

The older friend stared at her, looking very distressed, said nothing for two full minutes, and finally said, "How soon do you have to know?"

_______________

Bible Bafflement

My friend opened a ministry, using a snippet from the Bible as the name. But he soon regretted his decision when it came time to order office supplies over the phone.

When his stationery arrived, it bore the letterhead, "That Nun Should Perish."

_______________

Buy a Bull

A brunette and her blonde sister had just inherited a ranch. Deciding that they needed to buy a bull, the brunette told her sister that she would go into town, find a bull she liked, and if she bought it, send a telegram back telling her sister to come pick up the bull.

The blonde agreed, so the brunette took $600 and went to town. There, she found a
bull she just loved and bought it for $599.

When she walked into the post office, the post man told her that a telegram was a dollar per word. "But I only have one dollar!" she exclaimed.

"Then you only get one word," he calmly replied.

After thinking long and hard, she finally decided on her word: "Comfortable."

"Are you sure that's the word you want?" asked the postman, puzzled.

"Yep. You don't know my sister. She's a blonde; she'll read it really slowly and say COME-FOR-DA-BULL."

_______________

Old Home

We purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared.

One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the
house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up.

"For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter."

_______________

And finally, my Groaner for the Day...

Bacon & Eggs

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar after a long day of well, being bacon and eggs. So they walk up to the bartender and ask for a beer.

Shaking his head, the bartender takes one look at them and says, "Sorry fellas, but we don't serve breakfast in here."

_______________

Have A Terrific Sunday My Dear Friend,

Phil

Kidnapping

A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, “I’ve kidnapped you.” She then wrote a big note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde.”

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree.

The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”

______________

I Want To Buy That

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

_______________

Are You Really Sure?

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

_______________

Rowing Her Boat

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."

_______________

Helping An Overweight Blonde

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.

The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"

_______________

Finally, as most of you know, I really liked him, but for him not to be a True Blonde, George W. sure did have his awkward moments...

Oops!

At Heathrow Airport in England, a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out to Air Force One and President Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II.

They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses.

As they rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking to their side and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons lining the streets, all
was going well. This was indeed a glorious display of pageantry and dignity.

Suddenly the scene was shattered when the right rear horse let rip the most horrendous, earth-shattering, eye-smarting blast of flatulence, and the coach immediately filled with noxious fumes.

Uncomfortable, but maintaining control, the two dignitaries did their best to ignore the whole incident, but then the Queen decided that was a ridiculous manner with which to handle a most embarrassing situation.

She turned to Mr. Bush and explained, "Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things even a Queen cannot control."

George W., ever the Texas gentleman, replied, "Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something I would have assumed it was one of the horses."

_______________

Have A Wonderful Wednesday & Keep Smiling,

Phil

Dog names

"Nice dog. What's its name?" I asked my friend's 10-year old son.

"Bob," he said.

"And what's your cat's name?"

"Bob."

"Well, how do you keep them straight?" I asked.

"Well, one is Bob Cat and the other is Bob Barker," the boy answered.

"Go ahead and tell him your rabbit's name," his father suggested.

The kid smiled and said... "Dennis Hopper."

Hi Gaby,

That's adorable! Kind of reminds me of the Old Riddle that goes...

How do you catch a Unique Rabbit

Unique up on him.

So how do you catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame way!

Here's a few more my Friends. Go ahead, Laugh, it's Good for you!

Mother Teresa

Mother Teresa dies and goes to heaven. God greets her at the Pearly Gates. "Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" saith God.

"I could eat," Mother Teresa replies.

So God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye bread and they share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looks down into Hell and sees the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, pastries, and wines. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remains quiet.

The next day God again invites her to join him for a meal. Again, it is tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa can see the denizens of Hell enjoying caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, and chocolates. Still, she says nothing.

The following day, when it's mealtime, God opens another can of tuna. When she sees this, she suddenly can't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she says: "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread, and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand..."

God sighs. "Let's be honest," he says. "For just two people, does it really pay to cook?"

_______________

Proof That Beer Makes You Smarter

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.

"Well ya' see Norm, it's like this...A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members".

"In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first".

"In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine".

"That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

_______________

AAADD - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

It has come to this. I decide to do work on the car, start to the garage and notice the mail on the table. OK, I'm going to work on the car. BUT FIRST I'm going to go through the mail.

Lay car keys down on desk. After discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk. BUT FIRST I'll take the trash out.

Since I'm going to be near the mailbox, I'll address a few bills. Now where is the checkbook? Oops, there's only one check left. Where did I put the extra checks? BUT FIRST I need to put the cup back in the kitchen.

I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice the flowers need a drink of water. I put the cup on the counter and there's my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I'll just put them away... BUT FIRST need to water those plants.

I head for the door and notice someone left the TV remote in the wrong spot. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants. BUT FIRST I need to find those checks.

END OF THE DAY: Oil in car not changed, bills still unpaid, cup still in the sink, checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys. And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because... I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!

I realize this condition is serious. I'll get help... BUT FIRST, I think I'll check my e-mail.

_______________

Dear Grandson

I have become a little older since I saw you last, and a few changes have come into my life since then. Frankly, I have become a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen everyday.

As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go to see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along, and when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay.

What a life. Oh yes, I'm also flirting with Al Zymer.

Love, Grandma

PS The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him, "Oh I do it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?"

_______________

And finally, since I couldn't resist, one more Blonde Joke...

Knitting

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER!

"NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

_______________

Have A Happy One My Friends,

Phil