Hello Sara & Friends,

And now for a few more Grins & Giggles. First, the Idiot of the Week Awards...

A COMPUTER PROBLEM

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him,

"So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired: "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?"

The computer guy grinned...."Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote out ...... I D 1 0 T

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IDIOTS IN SERVICE

This week, my phone went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?"

I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that, since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email.

I asked him, "Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?"

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IDIOTS AT WORK

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt.

So I signed the credit card in front of her.

She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt and wouldn't you just know it, as luck would have it they matched.

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IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.

The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.

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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for minimal lettuce."

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

Hi Cheryl,

It's really Great to see you here at my Forum. Glad you could share a laugh or two with us.

Here's a couple of Funny Stories, not sure if they are true or not, but Funny nevertheless...

The Stairs

Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper. After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

So Bill said to Jim and Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way.

At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing.

At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories.

"I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"

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Accident Report

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "trying to do the job alone" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which, fortunately, was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tight to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note, in block number 11 of the accident reporting form, that I weigh 135 pounds.

Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom broke out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately fifty pounds.

I refer you again to my weight in the accident reporting form, block number 11.
As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounted for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations on my legs and lower body.

The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel six stories above me...I again lost my presence of mind...and let go of the rope!

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Writing To Grandmother

Finally, A little boy wrote this letter to his grandmother:

Dear Grandmother,

I'm sorry I forgot your birthday last week. It would serve me right if you forgot mine next Tuesday.

With love,

Mike

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Have A Happy Week My Friend,

Phil

Good Experience

When a woman applies for a job at a citrus grove, the foreman asks, "Do you have any experience picking lemons?"

"Well," she answers, "I've been divorced three times."

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The Right Experience?

Someone advertising on Craigslist said she was well suited for child care. After all, she had plenty of experience in "CPR and Choking Children."

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How To Fail Driver's Ed

As I quizzed my driver’s-education students about road signs, the one for Slow Moving Vehicle stumped them. So I offered them a hint by lifting the sign above my head and slowly parading up and down the room.

One student thought he had it: "Wide load!" he called out.

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Bookstore Guidance Needed

In some quarters, bookstores may be considered dinosaurs, but odd customers are evergreen, as these requests to bookstore clerks prove.

"Can you tell me who the author of Shakespeare is?"

"I’m looking for a book, but I only know the title, not the author. It’s called Dante’s Inferno."

"I definitely don’t want nonfiction. I like autobiographies and history."

"Do you have Shakespeare in English?"

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Funny Misprints

Mark Twain warned: "Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." The same can be said for these English-challenged notes doctors wrote on patient charts:

"The patient is married but sexually active."

"When standing with eyes closed, he missed his right finger to his nose and has to search for it on the left side."

"She does indeed have a fear of frying and mental problems that she attributes to deep-fat fryers."

"The patient is a 53-year-old police officer who was found unconscious by his bicycle."

"Her father died from a heart attack at age 12."

Have A Happy Thursday,

Phil