Election
The kids in the neighborhood held an election. The grownups were astonished that a four-year-old had been elected president.
"That boy must be a born leader," one dad observed. "How does it happen that all you bigger boys voted for him?"
"Well, you see, Dad," one lad replied, "he cannot very well be secretary because he does not know how to write. He would not do for treasurer because he is not able to count. He would never do for sergeant-at-arms because he is too little to throw anybody out. If we did not choose him for anything, he would feel bad. So we made him president."
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Fairy Godmother
As an elderly lady sat on her front porch reflecting on her long life, a fairy godmother suddenly appeared and offered to fulfill three wishes for her.
"Well," said the woman, "I guess I'd like to be rich."
POOF: The fairy godmother turned her rocking chair into solid gold.
"And I wouldn't mind being a young and beautiful princess."
POOF: The fairy godmother turned the old woman into an exquisite young princess with a priceless crown of jewels.
"Your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother.
The elderly woman's dog raised his head and uttered a single weak, hoarse "woof." "Could you possibly turn my wonderful dog into a handsome prince?"
POOF: There, in front of the old woman, who had now turned into a beautiful princess, stood the most handsome young man she had ever seen, more handsome than she could possibly have imagined.
She stared at him in awe, completely smitten. As he came toward her, her knees weakened.
He bent down, brushing his lips across her ear as he whispered, "Now, I'll bet you're sorry you had me neutered."
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Deep Hole
Two southern gentlemen are out hunting, and as they are walking along, they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."
The second hunter says, "I don't know. Let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says, "There's an old automobile transmission here. Give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see."
So they pick it up and carry it over; count one, two, and three; and throw it in the hole.
They are standing there listening and looking over the edge when they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around, they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole, and with no hesitation, jump in head first.
While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.
"Say there," says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?"
The first hunter says, "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"
The old farmer said, "That's impossible. I had him chained to a transmission!"
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Final Exam
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at Baylor University. Like many such freshmen courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class. The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided.
The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
One-half hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor said as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes, I will," replied the student.
He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in.
All except the last student, who continued writing. One-half hour later, the student came up to the professor, who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No, you don't. I'm not going to accept that. It's late."
The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" the student asked again.
"No, and I don't care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
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Have A Happy Weekend Friends,
Phil