Hi Cheryl,

Got your note over at FB. I'm afraid that I can't figure out how to post a video over there either. Glad that we've got ALP, for so MANY reasons!

Thanks for the Cute Bird video my Friend. Actually, I've seen it several times before, but it always makes me Smile.

Have A Wonderful Weekend,

Phil

Thanks for the laughs Phil & Cheryl! I stop by often but don't have anything funny to post. Well, Phil your Idiot jokes made me remember a true one that happened on Mother's Day. I refused to cook that day, so I stopped by our local grocery to buy fried chicken. There was a new very young girl behind the counter. I told her I wanted 12 pieces and just dark meat. She turned to the person who seemed to be doing the cooking and asked "What is dark meat?" I knew this was not going to go well...

Love,

Sara

Hello Sara,

Thanks for stopping by my Friend and sharing a Smile with us today my Friend. The following Jokes are proof positive that "Laughter Is Always The Best Medicine!".

At A Meeting In An Iron Curtain Country

A Party member, Comrade Dobrinsky, got up from his seat and said, “Comrade Leader, I have only three questions to ask. If we are the greatest industrial nation in the world, what has happened to our automobiles? If we have the best agriculture in the world, what has happened to our bread? If we are the finest cattle raisers in the world, what has happened to our meat?”

The Party chairman stared at Comrade Dobrinsky for a moment, then declared, “It is too late to reply to your questions tonight. I will answer them at our next meeting.”

When the meeting opened the following week, another Party member rose and said, “I have just one question. What happened to Comrade Dobrinsky?”

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Trip Expenses

An IRS agent walked into the fancy New York delicatessen and flashed his identity card. “I have a question about your income-tax returns,” he told the owner. “I call your attention to ‘Professional Expenses, tax-deductible.’”

“My expenses are very big.”

“But not this big,” said the agent. “Look,.You list five trips to London!”

“Right.”

“How can a small delicatessen justify–”

“Justify? We deliver!“

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Foreign Objects

The truck driver looked askance at the soup he had just been served in a backwoods eatery. It contained dark flecks of seasoning — but two of the spots were suspicious.

“Hey,” he called out to the waitress, “these particles in my soup — aren’t they foreign objects?”

She scrutinized his bowl. “No, sir!” she reassured him. “Those things live around here.”

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Anything Else To Add

An obviously overweight member of the health spa was asked to detail her daily routine. “I eat moderately, I exercise moderately and I drink moderately,” she explained.

“Is there anything else you’d care to add?” asked the manager.

“Yes,” the woman replied, “I lied extensively.”

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A Lousy Rug

Forsyth was a big-game hunter and a big bore. He had cornered a dinner guest in his trophy room to explain in great detail how each of his kills had been made. Pointing to a large tiger skin on the floor, he boasted, “I got that one in India. Just stumbled on him. I had no choice. It was either the tiger or me.”

“The tiger was a wise choice,” sighed a weary guest. “You’d have made a lousy rug.”

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Annoying Conversation

“It’s so annoying when my dentist starts up a conversation while he’s working on my teeth,” one guy said to another.

“I know just what you mean,” replied his friend. “But my Uncle Edgar used to drive his dentist crazy.”

“How so?”

“He was a ventriloquist.”

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And now finally, as I have grown Older, I've noticed that nothing seems to work quite the same wqy as it used to and it can be quite frustrating. However, if you'll click on the Prescription Bottle below...

you'll hear from a little Lady who will show you that "No Matter What Ails You, Laughter Is The Best Medicine."

Have A Happy Weekend My Friends,

Phil

Bet you thought that I'd forgot about you, didn't you? Not a chance! It's time to spread around some more Smiles.

Baseball

I was pondering a baseball and I was wondering "Why is it getting larger and larger?"

Then it hit me.

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Official ID Card

My Uncle, a former U.S. Coast Guard pilot, was recalling a time when he was on an exchange tour with the Royal Navy in England. Everyone who drove through the base's gates was required to hold an official ID card up to the windshield for inspection by the guards.

As a friendly competition, my husband's squadron started flashing different forms of ID, such as a driver's license, just to see how far they could go to fool the busy guards.

The winner? The fellow who breezed past waving a piece of toast.

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23rd Psalm

A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm when he noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase "Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life..."

"What's wrong with that, Johnny?" the pastor asked.

"Well," answered Johnny, "I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I'm not sure I'd like Shirley following me around all the time."

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Boy, Officer and Squirrel

A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.

"Now listen here," the policeman said, "whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature, I shall personally do to you."

"In that case," said the boy, "I'll kiss 'im and let 'im go."

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Finally, a Paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Check out the following for examples...

Paraprosdokians

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

If I agreed with you, then we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse always gets the cheese.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of a pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career, but it turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, "In an emergency, notify:" I always put, "DOCTOR."

I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but always check when you say the paint is wet?

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive, but you definitely need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some darned good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Hospitality: Making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whenever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

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Have A Happy Week,

Phil