The Good Napkins

This is too good to not share.

I think we are the last generation to know what 'napkins' are.

THE GOOD NAPKINS ... Ahhhhh.

The joys of having girls......

My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).

One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar.

I read the box in the cabinet.

I then asked my mother why she was keeping ''napkins" in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?

Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for 'special occasions' (her second mistake).

Now, fast forward a few months....

It's Christmas Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my Uncle and his wife for dinner.

Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, my Uncle came in first, and immediately burst into laughter.

Next, came his wife who gasped, then began giggling.

Next, came my Father, who roared with laughter.

Then, came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a 'special occasion' Kotex napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top.

I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off of the edge !!

My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.

"But, Mom, you said they were for special occasions !!!"

Pass this on to all of your friends who need a good laugh !!!

Life is too short for drama and petty things, so for Heaven's sake, use the good napkins whenever you can !!!
----

New Exercise Philosophy

Physical exercise is good for you. I know that I should do it daily but my body doesn't want me to do too much, so I have worked out this program of strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise.You are invited to use my program without charge.

1) Beating around the bush

2) Jumping to conclusions

3) Climbing the walls

4) Swallowing my pride

5) Passing the buck

6) Throwing my weight around

7) Dragging my heels

8) Pushing my luck

9) Making mountains out of molehills

10) Hitting the nail on the head

11) Wading through paperwork

12) Bending over backwards

13) Jumping on the bandwagon

14) Balancing the books

15) Running around in circles

16) Eating crow

17) Tooting my own horn

18) Climbing the ladder of success

19) Pulling out the stops

20) Adding fuel to the fire

21) Opening a can of worms

22) Putting my foot in my mouth

23) Starting the ball rolling

24) Going over the edge

25) Picking up the pieces

Happy Exercising...

Hi Gaby and Phil, Now that is really funny. Keep the jokes coming. Cheers, LaNell

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'

-----------------------------------------

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
------------------------------------------
An elderly man with a cane boards a packed city bus. With no place to sit, he slips and catches himself with the strap above. Sitting next to him is a young kid and his father. The young kid says to the old man: "You know, if you put a rubber thing on the end of that you won't slip and have an accident." To which the old man replies": "You know, if your dad man had put a rubber tip on the end of his, I'd have a seat."
----------------------------------------------------

The Bride

The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it?................

Hi Mary Evelyn, Gaby & LaNell,

Thanks for stopping by to visit. I really apreciate all of the Jokes, Funny stories and Comments. Don't know if I can keep up, but here's a few that I've always liked...

Clearing Out The Doctor's Waiting Room

A patient goes to the doctor's office where, much to his surprise the doctor asks him, "Would you please help me with a problem I'm having?"

Sure, doctor, what can I do for you, says the patient.

"Would you scream in the most earsplitting, piercing screams you can manage? Try to make it sound as if you're in terrible pain." The doctor says.

"But why, doctor, you've always been gentle with me and your treatments have never caused me any pain?" Asks the patient.

"Yes," Says the doctor in a matter-of-fact tone, "but I have a 4 o'clock tee time at the golf course I don't want to miss, and my waiting room is still full of patients."

_______________

The Smart Way To Catch Burglers

It was late and Charlie was about to climb into bed when his wife informed him that there was a light on in their garden shed. Charlie started to go outside to turn off the light but noticed some people in the shed who were busy stealing his things.

He ran back inside right away and called the cops, who asked him "Are there any intruders in your house?" to which Charlie replied no and explained his circumstances. The cops told Charlie that all patrol cars were otherwise occupied, and that he should just lock his door and a uniformed cop would be at his house when one was free.

Charlie answered, "Alright," hung up, waited 30 seconds, and then called the cops again. "Hello, I just called a short while ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. I want to let you know that they're not a problem anymore because I've just shot every one of them."

Charlie then hung up the phone. In five short minutes, three patrol cars, a SWAT team, and an ambulance arrived, and Of course, the cops caught the burglars in the act.

One of the cops snapped at Charlie: "I thought you said that you shot every one of them!"

"I thought you said there were no patrol cars free!" Charlie answered

_______________

Alligators In The Pool

A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators.

The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"

Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes.

The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you.

The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the heck pushed me in the pool!"

_______________

Have A Happy Weekend,

Phil