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RE: Go Ahead! Laugh! You Know You Want To!.
1/12/2011 10:59:31 PM

Service For One?

On Sunday, the new young pastor arrived at church and found only an old farmer had shown up.
After waiting a while, the disappointed the pastor remarked to the old farmer, "Well, it appears no one else is coming, so we should probably cancel service today"
The farmer, dressed in his Sunday best, looked at the young preacher and said, "Well pastor, I don't know much 'bout preachin', but I do know something bout farmin' and if I went out in the field and found only one cow, I'd still feed 'em"
This excited the young preacher who preached for the next 45 minutes a fierce fire and brimstone sermon. Afterwards the pastor asked the old farmer what he thought.
The old farmer remarked, "Well pastor, I don't know much bout preachin', but I do know somethin' 'bout farmin' and if I went out in the field and found only one cow, I wouldn't give 'em the whole bale."
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RE: Go Ahead! Laugh! You Know You Want To!.
1/12/2011 11:05:51 PM
Seniors on a Little Road Trip

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.
After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.

When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn't miss them until they had been driving about twenty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her -- the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her. 'While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card!'

This is National Mental Health Care week.

You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.

Well .... my job is done. Your turn
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RE: Go Ahead! Laugh! You Know You Want To!.
1/13/2011 5:22:29 AM
This is a beautiful story I just had to share.......

MOM'S EMPTY CHAIR
A woman's daughter had asked the local minister
to come and pray with her mother.
When the minister arrived,
he found the woman lying in bed with her head
propped up on two pillows.

An empty chair sat beside her bed.
The minister assumed that the woman
had been informed of his visit...
'I guess you were expecting me, he said.

'No, who are you?' said the mother.
The minister told her his name and then remarked,
'I saw the empty chair and I figured you knew
I was going to show up..'

'Oh yeah, the chair,' said the bedridden woman
'Would you mind closing the door?'
Puzzled, the minister shut the door.
'I have never told anyone this,
not even my daughter,' said the woman.

'But all of my life I have never
known how to pray.
At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer,
but it went right over my head...'

I abandoned any attempt at prayer,'
the old woman continued, '
until one day four years ago, my best friend said to me,
' Prayer is just a simple matter
of having a conversation with Jesus.
Here is what I suggest..
'Sit down in a chair;
place an empty chair in front of you,
and in faith see Jesus on the chair.

It's not spooky because he promised,
'I will be with you always'..
'Then just speak to him in the same way
you're doing with me right now...'

'So, I tried it and I've liked it so much
that I do it a couple of hours every day.
I'm careful though.If my daughter saw me talking
to an empty chair, she'd either have a nervous breakdown
or send me off to the funny farm.'

The minister was deeply moved by the story and
encouraged the old woman to continue on the journey.
Then he prayed with her, anointed her with oil,
and returned to the church.

Two nights later the daughter called
to tell the minister that her mama
had died that afternoon.
Did she die in peace?' he asked.

Yes, when I left the house about two o'clock,
she called me over to her bedside,
told me she loved me and kissed me on the cheek.
When I got back from the store an hour later,
I found her .

But there was something strange about her death.
Apparently, just before Mom died,
she leaned over and rested her head on the chair
beside the bed. What do you make of that?'

The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said,
'I wish we could all go like that.'

Just send this to four people or more,
and do not break this, please.

Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive.

I asked God for water, He gave me an ocean.*
I asked God for a flower, He gave me a garden.*
I asked God for a friend, He gave me all of YOU...
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

God Bless Everyone
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RE: Go Ahead! Laugh! You Know You Want To!.
1/13/2011 9:13:15 AM
A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I
take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the
garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

( YOU'RE GONNA LOVE
THIS!!!!!!!!! )

The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

If you ain't laffin'... You ain't livin'

God Bless Everyone
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RE: Go Ahead! Laugh! You Know You Want To!.
1/13/2011 9:20:55 PM
11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE

Eleven people were hanging on a rope
Under a helicopter.
10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all
So they decided that one had to leave,
Because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren't able to choose that person,
Until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope,
Because, as a woman,
She was used to giving up everything
For her husband and kids or for men in general,
And was used to always making sacrifices
With little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech,
All the men started clapping . .. . . ..

God Bless Everyone
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