Hello My Friends,

Thank You all for stopping by and Thanks for all of the Jokes.

Here's a couple of Tales about three Guys, two of whom are not really very bright, and then there's one about an enterprising Gentleman who's got a lot on the ball.

First the Tale of the two fellows who sound like they're a few French Fries short of a Happy Meal...

Duck Hunting

He and a friend go duck hunting in winter, and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with their guns, a dog, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area for the ducks, something for the decoys to float on.

In order to make a hole large enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down and land on, it's going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill. So, out of the back of the new Navigator truck comes a stick of dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse.

Now, these two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they are standing (and from the new Navigator truck), and they don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run from the lit dynamite fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite as far away as they can.

Remember a couple of sentences back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns, and the dog??

Let's talk about the dog: it's a highly trained Labrador used for RETRIEVING. Especially well trained at retrieving things thrown by the owner. You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave their arms and wonder what to do now. The dog, cheered on, keeps coming.

One of the guys grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 birdshot, hardly big enough to stop a Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, but continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinking these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator truck..

The men continue to yell as they run away. The exhaust pipe on the truck is still hot, so the dog yelps and drops the dynamite under the truck, and takes off after his master.

Then --BOOM-- the truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake in a very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can't believe this happened" look on their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED. He still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments!!!

And you thought your day was not going well.

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Now for the Tale about the "Right Smart" fellow...

The Rolls Royce Loan

A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $7,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan.

So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $7,000 and the interest, which comes to $19.67. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little confused. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What confuses us is why would you bother to borrow $7,000?"

The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car safely for two weeks for just $20 bucks?"

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Have A Happy Week My Friends,

Phil

Hello Phil, great jokes!! I don't really know why there are so many "blond" jokes because I have a very intelligent blond haired daughter and also a good friend who is blond and is also very smart. Smart comes in all hair colors just as dumb does. Anyway that being said here is one I just thought was hilarious.

The Bus Ride

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes
and one of all Brunettes, charter a
double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to
Louisiana. The Brunette team rode on
the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde
team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really
whooped it up, having a great time,
when one of them realized she
hadn't heard anything from the Blondes
upstairs. She decided to go up and
investigate. When the Brunette reached
the top, she found all the Blondes in fear,
staring straight ahead at the road, clutching
the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going
on up here? We're having a great time
downstairs!'


One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard
and whispered...
'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!?!'

Hi Mary Evelyn,

Thanks for the Cute Blonde Joke. I've ridden up on top of a two-decker Bus, and it can be kind of scary if you look down a lot.

Here's a couple I thought you might like...

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket.

The blonde replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving."

Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section.

Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving."

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do.

The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.

He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

_______________

There was this car that was driving very slowly down the highway. A State Trooper pulls it over. "What have I done wrong, officer?" the Blonde driver asks.

"You are going 26mph on a major highway. There is a law against that," the officer says to the driver. "You must go at least 50mph."

"But when I turned on the highway, the sign said 26!" the Blonde replied.

"HA HA HA!" The officer laughs out loud. "That is because this is Interstate 26! The 26 isn't the speed limit!"

The driver leans back in her car seat and the cop sees another woman sitting beside her. She looked as pale as a ghost.

"What happened to her?" the officer asks.

"Oh, that's my Mother the driver replied, she has been that way ever since we got off of interstate 160."

_______________

Have A Terrific Evening,

Phil

Good Milk

There once was a 94 year old nun back in the 1890s whose worn out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day, to relax her. However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she huffily declined.

But her mother superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day. Eventually, the elderly pious one approached her final hour. As several sisters gathered around her at bedside, the mother superior asked if she wanted to leave them any words of wisdom.

"Oh, yes," she replied. "Never sell that cow!"