Quote:

Hi Friends,

I know that I've posted this one somewhere else, at one time or another, but it just so Cute that I thought that you allmight like this one as well...

Redneck Family Tree

Many many years ago
When I was twenty three,
I got married to a Widow who
Was pretty as could be.

This Widow had a grown-up Daughter
Who had purty hair of red.
My Father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed..

This made my Dad my Son-in-Law
And changed my very life.
My Daughter was now my Mother,
For she was also my Father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the Father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A Brother-in-Law to Dad.
And so became my Uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my Uncle,
Then that also made him Brother,
To the Widow's grown-up Daughter
Who was of course, also my Step-Mother.

Father's wife then had a Son,
Who kept them on the run
And he became my Grandson,
For he was my Daughter's son.

My wife is now my Mother's Mother
And it makes me really blue.
Because, although she is my Wife,
She's my Grandmother too.

If my Wife is my Grandmother,
Then I am her Grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my Grandmother,
I am my own Grandpa!

A'int Redneck Love Grand!!

Have A Happy Week My Friends,

Phil

Good Morning Phil! I am laughing, I always try to stop by here to read your latest before going on to the other forums. I like the Adopted turtle ones there. Now with the Redneck one, you just touch too close to home!!

Thanks and have a great day!

Sara

Hi Everyone,

Always so good to see those smilin' faces. Just means that I'm doing what I should be, spreading around a little Joy & Laughter!

Sara, the "Adopted Turtle" was a favorite of mine as well, as I can just see him stuggling back up the tree each time, and trying to fly. Poor little fella! I also appreciate another laughing Kitty Cat graphic. I would guess that you figured out that I snitched the one above, from your post over at Howard's forum.

So glad y'all still get a giggle out of my Redneck Humor as well. If you'll click on the picture of the Happy Lil' Redneck Family, you'll get to listen to one of my favorite singers, Mr. Ray Stevens, and his rendition of "I'm My Own Granpdpa", and then please stop by and catch up on the latest proceedures for a "Redneck Vasectomy" immediately following the song...

Redneck Vasectomy

After their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.

"A less costly alternative", said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in redneck country) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The redneck said to the doctor, "I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me".

"Jes' trust me",said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

‘1?

‘2?

‘3?

‘4?

‘5?

At which point, he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand...

This procedure has been shown to work effectively in Texas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Missouri, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, and West Virginia.

Y'all Have A Good'Un Now Ya' Heer,

Phil

Quote:

Hi Everyone,

Always so good to see those smilin' faces. Just means that I'm doing what I should be, spreading around a little Joy & Laughter!

Sara, the "Adopted Turtle" was a favorite of mine as well, as I can just see him stuggling back up the tree each time, and trying to fly. Poor little fella! I also appreciate another laughing Kitty Cat graphic. I would guess that you figured out that I snitched the one above, from your post over at Howard's forum.

So glad y'all still get a giggle out of my Redneck Humor as well. If you'll click on the picture of the Happy Lil' Redneck Family, you'll get to listen to one of my favorite singers, Mr. Ray Stevens, and his rendition of "I'm My Own Granpdpa", and then please stop by and catch up on the latest proceedures for a "Redneck Vasectomy" immediately following the song...

Redneck Vasectomy

After their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.

"A less costly alternative", said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in redneck country) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The redneck said to the doctor, "I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me".

"Jes' trust me",said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

‘1?

‘2?

‘3?

‘4?

‘5?

At which point, he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand...

This procedure has been shown to work effectively in Texas, Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Missouri, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, and West Virginia.

Y'all Have A Good'Un Now Ya' Heer,

Phil

Hi Peter,

Glad you got a chuckle out of the Redneck Vasectomy. I've always thought it was cute, 'course I grew up tossing Cherry Bombs, back when I was a little fella.

I never will forget one Halloween, when there was a bunch of us riding around, trying to stir up a little trouble, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I happened to turn around and look in the back seat, just as my friend Billy was opening the back door, and piling out of the car with it still moving a little bit. Seems that while he was trying to shoot the Cherry Bomb that our friend Roger had just lit and placed in the slingshot , the darn thing fell out of the slingshot down onto the floorboard of the car. Let me tell you, when that daggone thing went off, well none of us could hear very well for about a week. Of course, a couple of us couldn't sit down for about that long either, after we got home an told our Parents and tried to explain the hole in the floorboard of Billy's Dad's car. Oh well, you know how it is, Boys will be Boys!

Anyway, here's a few more of the Redneck type jokes that I thought you all might like...

A Cowboy's Guide to Life

Never squat with yer spurs on.
There are two theories to arguin' with a woman; neither one works.
Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral is: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.
Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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Deer Hunting

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.
"Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something ... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction, then the antlers won't dig into the ground."
After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.
A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yeah, but we're getting farther from the truck," the other added.

__________

Farmer's Divorce

A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces."
The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"
The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"
The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere."
The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays."
The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."
Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"
And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."

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Getting Into the Olympics

Three guys were trying to sneak into the Olympic Village to scoop souvenirs and autographs. The first says, "Let's watch the registration table to see if there's a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in."
Immediately, a burly athlete walks up to the table and states, "Angus MacPherson. Scotland. Shotput." He opens his gym bag to display a shotput to the registration attendant.
The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. MacPherson. Here is your packet of registration materials, complete with hotel keys, passes to all Olympic events, meal tickets, and other information."
The first guy gets inspired and grabs a small tree sapling, strips off the limbs and roots, walks up the registration table and states: "Chuck Wagon. Canada. Javelin."
The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. Wagon. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, passes, meal tickets, and so forth. Good luck!"
The second guy grabs a street utility manhole cover, walks up to the registration table and states: "Dusty Rhodes. Australia. Discus."
The attendant says, "Terrific, Mr. Rhodes. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, a full set of passes, and meal tickets. Enjoy yourself."
They scamper in, but suddenly realize the third guy is missing. They groan, because he's a simpleton from the hills of Vermont. They forgot to make sure he doesn't do something stupid and blow their cover stories.
Just then he walks proudly up to the table with a roll of barbed wire under his arm and states: "Foster Bean. Hardwick, Vermont. Fencing."

__________

Have A Great Week,

Phil