Hi Sara & Cheryl,
So glad you both stopped by for a visit. Cheryl, you've just gotta love the Quote from Walter Matthau, and how "true it is!". Sara, being a "Bammy Girl" by birth, you'll probably understand this first one better than most.
Alabama Boy
Two boys are playing football in Huntsville, Alabama, when one is attacked by a rabid rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a big board off of a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar, and twists it, breaking the dog's neck.
A reporter was strolling by, sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Alabama Crimson Tide Fan Rescues Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Alabama Crimson Tide fan," the little hero replies.
"Sorry -- since we're in Huntsville, I just assumed you were," says the reporter, and he starts again. "Little Auburn Tigers Fan Rescues Friend From Deathly Attack," he continues in his notebook.
"I'm not a Auburn fan either," the boy says.
"I assumed everyone who lived in the Alabama area was either for Alabama or Auburn. What team do you root for?" the reporter asks.
"I'm a Tennessee Volunteer fan," the boy replies.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Vicious Little Redneck Kills Beloved Family Pet!"
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Speaking of Down South, if you drive around for awhile, you're likely to find at least a few of the following...
Signs on Church Property
"No God--No Peace. Know God--Know Peace."
"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
"Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons--come hear one!"
"People are like tea bags--you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."
"God so loved the world that He didn't send down a committee."
"When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right."
"Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."
"Fight truth decay--study the Bible daily."
"How will you spend eternity--Smoking or Non-smoking?"
"Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"
"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long, and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
"It is very unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
"Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."
"This is a ch_ _ch. What is missing?"
"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."
"In the dark? Follow the Son."
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And of course, we can't have a real "Down-Home" Tribute, without sharing a few...
Redneck One Liners
What does X X X stand for?
Three rednecks cosigning a note.
__________
Did you hear about the redneck who went to the doctor to get a hernia transplant?
__________
Did you hear about the redneck who planted Cheerios in his backyard? He thought they were donut seeds.
__________
Slim walked into his local post office and noticed a new sign on the wall: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA
"Gosh!" he said, "If'n only that job was in Texas, Ah'd take it!"
__________
Did you hear about the Nebraska redneck who filled out an employment application?
In the blank labeled "Church Preference" he filled in: Red brick.
__________
What do they call the stork that delivers redneck babies?
A dope peddler.
__________
Why did the redneck drive his pickup truck over the side of the cliff?
He wanted to try out his new air brakes.
__________
Interviewer: How do you spell Mississippi?
Redneck: Which one? The river or the state?
_________
Did you hear about the redneck father who was gonna be buried in the lake?
Yes, it was a very sad case.
His son drowned while trying to dig his grave.
__________
Y'all Have Yurselves A...
Have A Terrific Weekend Friends,
Phil