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RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week
11/23/2011 8:49:03 PM

Here's one I got from a good friend the other day. I thought it was hilarious. :)

The Talking Centipede

A single guy decided life would be more fun
if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner
that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a talking
centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little
white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for
the box, and decided he would start off by taking
his new pet to church with him.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you
like to go to church with me today? We will have a
good time."

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes
and then asked again, "How about going to church
with me and receive blessings?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend
and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking
about the situation.

The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.

This time he put his face up against the centipede's
house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to
go to church with me and learn about God?"....

This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I
heard you the first damn time!
I'm putting my shoes on!"






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Kathleen Vanbeekom

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week
11/23/2011 11:20:33 PM

Hi Peter & all,

I don't know about doing a cooking video, but I could easily feature ways to annoy neighbors without really trying...

* Spread peanut-butter & birdseed on the tree branches that overhang the neighbors yards so there will be a line of dozens of squirrels on the low branches, just over their crazy dogs heads.

* Tongs are for picking up small varmints that the stray cats toyed with and left somewhere, I found a toad on my backstep once, and tossed it over the fence because the neighbor told us not to throw tennis balls over because her dogs actually rip them up and devour them, so I thought a dead toad would be okay. While picking up something like that, be sure to loudly say "I found the body!" and then run back in the house.

* Drag large heavy bags of wet newspapers out of the house, or drag bags of wet leaves around the yard, and behind the garagage, and then drag those to a trash dumpster somewhere else on the property, and be sure your craziest-looking kid says "That looks heavier than a bag of heads! Where's Dad?"

* Barbecue both days of the weekend with a charcoal grill and too much lighter fluid, to create billowing smoke until someone calls the fire department...that really happened...a fireman knocked on our front door a few years ago (yes, during my Adlandpro membership!) just when I got out of the shower and he insisted our property was on fire. I insisted it wasn't. Turned out my (ex)husband was barbecuing in the backyard, and the church carnival up the street thought our garage was on fire.

* Start barbecuing on the front porch so everyone can see the house is NOT on fire, and blast old music really loud, and focus your gaze on all the windows across the street, they are jealous they don't have a kettle grill on THEIR porch and a collection of movie soundtracks on cassette tapes :) Actually we once saw a neighbor's toddler wander off, ran to get him before he crossed the street and took him back to his parents, and then the next day our stolen lawn ornaments were anonymously returned. Coincidence? I think not. Therefore, the frowned-upon porch barbecuing had a good result.

* On 4th of July night, throw all your burnt fireworks into the kettle grill with water, THAT will put them OUT. Don't worry the next morning if your grill is swollen and mis-shapen from blazing hot firework water, your property is still NOT on fire. That's a lot better solution than throwing them behind the garage and waking up to a melted blue puddle that WAS the plastic wading pool yesterday.

* Go outside EVERY DAY of the year, and in winter, wear a dark parka like the Grim Reaper, and stand very still except to drink your "coffee", maybe standing behind a big tree so the neighbors dogs don't see you and bark their heads off. Fun part is, if a neighbor is nearby in their yard but doesn't see you for awhile but then catches a glimpse and realizes you've been there all along, they usually say something like "Oh geez!" or some funner-er word, and have a mild coronary.

* In summer, get some golf clubs & tons of golf balls and hit them against a wooden fence several times per minute, it's great if there are several people playing...nonstop echoing for a couple hours, heard for a block away, really great if that crazy big kid (bag of heads commentary) looks like Carl (Bill Murray) from Caddyshack.

* If you have a possum in your yard, feed it...possums don't have rabies, they are just very unattractive. If you are the only neighbor who doesn't have dogs, of course you'll have little wild animals out there because they'll feel safe in your yard, and also because they enjoy being barked at thru fences because they know the dogs can't get them. Toss dry catfood all over your yard and watch the possum with a flashlight, it will go all over the yard and get every crumb. Great show, especially for the neighbors dogs!

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Peter Fogel

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week
11/24/2011 4:54:34 AM


HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL



Peter Fogel
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Peter Fogel

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week
11/24/2011 8:00:52 AM
Hi All,

I posted the below video in the President That Hates His Country thread but it's so funny it belongs here too.

Shalom,

Peter


Quote:
Hello Friends,

Aside from the fact that this video is hilarious and probably should be in my joke thread (hmmmm, I'll post it there too) but what it mainly shows is the disdain and disrespect the world has for the fraud and great pretender B Hussein.

He's shown his weakness time and again in world affairs and he himself dissed the United States and it's people so many times that the world apparently thinks he deserves nothing less then the "finger" the Russian news presenter gave him during a news broadcast. He's bowed to Putin ,the Saudi King, the Japanese Emperor and others and what he's getting in return is the finger he so deserves.

Let's hope the American people will give him the "finger" in 2012 by voting him out of office. Let him and peanut brain Carter fight it out as private citizens and as ex presidents who was the worst president ever.

Shalom,

Peter


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XHs5DzdE1wM



Peter Fogel
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Peter Fogel

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week
11/24/2011 11:33:37 AM
Hey Robert,

That's hilarious.

Shalom,

Peter

Quote:
Radiating with excitement the school mistress prances into the classroom and announces to the toddlers that tomorrow Obama will be visiting them personally.

So you shall all of you, prepare a little token or a polite phrase for our president because he will shake hands with all of us. How thrilling is that?

The mistress then asks Mary, Anne, Jules and Jo what they intend to offer. These range from cakes to cookies a drawing, flowers and some great quotations from Marx, Stalin and Mao.

Delighted by the prospects, she then asks Jo what he will say or give. “I will say that our cat just had a litter of six, and they are all Democrats.” That is so sweet Jo, replies the mistress as she bobbles around the classroom with uncontrolled excitement bordering to sexual arousal.

As foreseen, the following day Obama turns up and is presented to all the children by a blushing and drawn eyed mistress who obviously had a sleepless night and receives his gifts and compliments. When Obama reaches Jo’s turn the young lad proudly says that his cat has a litter of six and three of them are Democrats. Obama grins along to the next child.

That evening the mistress catches up with Jo and asks why he said three when it was foreseen to have been all six as he said yesterday?

“Well, because this morning I saw that three of them had opened their eyes.”

Peter Fogel
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