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Amanda Martin-Shaver

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week
9/17/2011 4:02:54 PM
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic
Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to ball games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )

Conclusion:
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.


Amanda
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Peter Fogel

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week
9/21/2011 3:49:56 AM
Hi All,

Here's the first edition of news Busters for the week. As usual it's full of news you'll find no where else like what Rick Perry will call social Security now that he's no longer calling it a ponzi schemes, why B Hussein's new site AttackWatch.com is really superfluous and much more.

Shalom,

Peter



Topics in today's show:

--Bad poll numbers are fueling speculation that Obama is too depressed to run for reelection

--Democrats are spinning the GOP pickup of Weiner's old seat as insignificant

--Rick Perry will no longer refer to Social Security as a Ponzi scheme

--Tim Pawlenty endorsed Romney for president

--An Air Force general said the Obama White House forced him to change his testimony that would have hurt an Obama donor

--Obama touring the country while pushing jobs bill

--Obama campaign has created a website, Attack Watch, to defend itself against criticism

--Anderson Cooper's new talk show premiered last week

Starring: Jodi Miller
Production: Dialog New Media

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUxBWUh02ZA&feature=player_embedded

Peter Fogel
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RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week
9/22/2011 1:36:45 AM

Absolutely LOVED the NewsBusted video Peter. Jodi out did herself on this one. Here is a beautiful video a good friend sent me the other day and I enjoyed it so much I wanted to post it here so others could too. :)

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Peter Fogel

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week
9/23/2011 4:16:57 PM
Hi All,

Here's the second episode of NewsBusted for the week. Today we'll find out about the increase in sales, why Italy is turning to China for financial assistance and much more.


Shalom,

Peter



Topics in today's show:

--Summer is now over and fall has begun

--Economists found a spot of good news: an increase in retail sales

--Italy is turning to China to bail out its finances

--The largest Swiss bank, UBS, admitted that a rogue trader cost the company a $2 billion loss

--In Texas, a daycare worker allegedly drugged childrens drinks so they would fall asleep

--A new study claims that 4-year-olds who watch Spongebob may suffer mental impairment

--Theives in Miami recently stole the batteries from 32 buses

--The TSA says it will now start probing children less frequently at airports.

Starring: Jodi Miller
Production: Dialog New Media

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k65i8LrUKv0&feature=player_embedded

Peter Fogel
Babylon 7
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RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week
9/24/2011 1:45:28 AM
Top This One For A Speeding Ticket in Kingsville , TX

Two Texas Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding
enforcement on Hwy 77, just south of Kingsville , TX.

One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to
check speeding vehicles approaching the town of Kingsville .
The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun
began reading 300 miles per hour and climbing.

The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not
reset and then it suddenly turned off.
Just then a deafening roar over the Mesquite tree tops on
Hwy 77 revealed that the radar had in fact, locked on to a
USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying
exercise near this, it's Naval Air home base location in
Kingsville TX.
Back at the Texas Highway Patrol Headquarters in Corpus
Christi the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the US
Naval Base Commander in Kingsville for shutting down
his equipment.
The reply came back in true USMC style:

"Thank you for your letter....
You may be interested to know that the tactical computer
in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently
locked on to, your hostile radar equipment and automatically
sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.
Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed
aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment's
location.
Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the
situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile
system alert status and was able to override the automated
defense system before the missile was launched to destroy
the hostile radar position on the side of Hwy 77, south of Kingsville.
The pilot suggests you cover your mouths when swearing at
them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech.
Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get
his dentist to check his left rear molar. It appears the filling is
loose. Also, the snap is broken on his holster."
Semper Fi

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a
courthouse is this: You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt
Not Commit Adultery," and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of
lawyers, judges and politicians...It creates a hostile work environment.

GOD HAVE MERCY ON AMERICA !!!!
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