Hi Peter,

Since you opened up the Monica can of worms, and since as I said yesterday, the current cast of "Dumb" and "Dangerous" in the White House these days, makes me long for the days when all we had to worry about was Bill & Hillary, here's a few Clinton one-liners that I haven't thought of for a while...

Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky is rich?
She got a wad of Bills.

Kenneth Star called off his investigation of the President due to a
lack of evidence. It turns out that Clinton didn't tell her to lie - he told her to kneel.

What is Monica's favorite game?
Swallow the Leader.

What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.

Did you hear Clinton doesn't use bookmarks?
He just bends over the pages.

Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?
To keep his ankles warm.

Have you heard the latest news about Monica?
She tried to get a position on the Presidential Staff, but blew it.

Why did President Clinton invite Monica into his private study?
He wanted to show here his executive branch.

What does Monica Lewinsky's resume' read?
Served the Presidential Staff.

Why was it difficult for Clinton to fire Monica?
Whenever he gave her a pink slip, he asked her to try it on first.

What do Monica, Jennifer, Paula and Bob Dole have in common?
They were ALL upset when Clinton finished first.

Most people are concerned about getting Aids from sex. Clinton is always concerened about getting sex from aids.

Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released in response to President Clinton's testimony, stated:

I've had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth and I can't stomach it anymore. I feel as if I'm getting the shaft and that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face. " This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that's when I'm at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what's coming. I will 'meat' the challenge the only way I know how: head-on. " I have licked bigger things than this before, and I will again. No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky in't a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will work nonstop and fight this blow-by-blow until I am wiped clean of this dirty affair. "I will not be stained by it."

__________

Hope You Have A Terrific Week,

Phil

Hi Peter,

Glad you like my stroll down memory lane with "Wild Bill" and Monica. If you liked that, I think you might really like these...

Strange Lincoln - Obama Coincidences

1) Lincoln was elected in 1860, Obama was elected in 2008, nearly 150 years later.

2) Lincoln eliminated involuntary servitude. Obama eliminated private sector jobs.

3) Lincoln and Obama were both married to ugly wives who went crazy.

4) Each man's wife gained over forty pounds while living at the White House.

5) Lincoln was hit in the head from behind. Obama has his head up his behind.

6) Both men had vice-presidents who were illiterate Democrat senators.

7) Andrew Johnson nearly lived to the age of 67. Joe Biden nearly had an IQ of 67.

8) Lincoln was born in KENtucky, Obama was born in KENya - before both moved to Illinois.

9) LincOln and Obama each had a single letter "O" in their last name.

10) Andrew Johnson had no middle name. Joseph Robinette Biden has a silly one.

11) Lincoln and Obama were both more feminine than Hillary Clinton.

12) Lincoln was placed on the penny. Obama's not quite worth a penny.

13) Lincoln was not a Muslim. Obama has never admitted to being a Muslim..

14) Lincoln suffered from major depression. Obama caused a major depression.

15) Abraham Lincoln had no middle name. You're not allowed to say Barack Obama's middle name.

***

Dear Lord, you took one of my favorite actors, Patrick Swayze. You took one of my favorite actress, Farah Fawcett. Then, You took one of my favorite singers, Michael Jackson. I just wanted to let you know that my favorite President is Barack Obama. Amen.

***

President Obama decided to do one of his public addresses against the backdrop of an American farm, but the ceremony couldn't get started because of all the flies buzzing around his head.

Obama demanded to know why the flies wouldn't leave, so the farmer explained to him, "Well, those are called circle flies. They always circle around the rear end of horses."

Obama angrily replied, "Hey, are you saying that I'm a horse's rear?"

The farmer answered, "No Sir, Mister President. I would never call someone a horse's rear. It's kind of hard to fool them flies though."

***

And finally, a few more One-liners...

If John McCain was a Maverick, then Barack Obama is a GMC* Pacer. (*Government Motor Company)

Obama has ordered that the term "Islamic Radicalism" be removed from national security documents. It's being replaced with "Allahu Akbar!"

Military expert Barack Obama thinks that an Offensive Nuke is a dirty microwave oven.

Q. Why is ObamaCare like an apple a day?

A. It keeps your doctor away.

Barack got his ObamaCare votes the old fashioned way. He bought 'em.

The Obama economy utilizes a system of carefully monitored checks and balances. He writes the checks, you pay the balance.

Obama is looking forward to retirement, so that he'll finally have the time to actually read his new healthcare law.

Everyone who believes that ObamaCare will work is entitled to free psychological help.

Q. Why is the healthcare plan called ObamaCare instead of ObamaCares?

A. Because he doesn't.

***

Have A Good Day While You Still Can,

Phil