Shy And Retiring Types Have Their Day

Ahh, January, the time for introverts to breathe a sigh of relief. We can come out of hiding; it's safe to answer the phone and to stop pretending we're under the weather.

 

Yes, from mid-December through to New Years Day, those of us with an introverted nature live in a state of perpetual dread. The weeks of office parties, neighbourhood drinks and open houses drain all of our energy. But now we can relax, we made it through.

 

I speak from experience. My name is John and I am an introvert. It surprises most people because I'm outgoing and friendly and, in fact, very far from shy, but I prefer one person and one conversation at a time.

 

I fought this for years, always trying to be someone else. I made myself go to parties; I tried to fix what I thought was "wrong" with me. But I finally got it. This is one of the blessings of maturity, a wisdom that brings a "What you see is what you get" self acceptance or perhaps for introverts it's, "Who you don't see is what you get."

 

But it's no wonder that we introverts are sometimes defensive, up to 75% of the population are considered extroverted. Western culture tends to reward extroversion, while being distainful and suspicious of reflection and solitude.I've learnt to spot my like-minded peers, though. We're the ones walking toward a house party saying: "How long do we have to stay?"

 

Introverts crave meaning, so party chitchat feels like sandpaper to our psyche. Here's what introverts are not: We're not afraid, and we're not shy. We're just focused and we prefer one-on-one because we like to listen and we want to follow an idea all the way through to another interesting idea. That's why small talk annoys us. So does pretending to be happy or excited or anything that we're not.

 

Introverts are constantly swimming against the tide. Introverts are hounded to "be more outgoing" and tortured with invitations that begin, "Why don't we all..." No thanks, we don't want to do anything that involves "we" or "all"; we prefer to visit you, just you, not a dozen other people.

 

Is that the rain again? Darn, I'll have to stay home.

 

 

I know exactly what ya mean, John!

When I was 19, I had my first office job, and I didn't go to the Christmas party.  The boss was offended that I actually didn't go to a PARTY.  Why would I?  I had to spend 8 hours a day, 5 days a week with all those people, why would I want to chitchat with them on my OFF-TIME???

My son is even worse than I am.  I asked him if he wanted to visit an aunt & uncle and see their new kittens.  His question was...do I have to TALK to them?  He didn't go!  There's something about changing from a kid who gets to hang around the snack-table and obliviously eating everything, into turning to an adult who has to have conversations with other adults.  What a nightmare!!

Very True, John,

I suppose that is the reason most of my professional carreer, I was the outside guy.  I would make the first contact and do those one on one deals.  No one else liked what I did, because it is all on you.  When you are the lead dog of the pack.  Intorverts demand a level of respect from others that few are capable of giving or receiving.  Because as introverts our focus is all or nothing.

Great post my friend,

Jim

Hello John, Kathleen and Jim,

I just noticed that so far only introverts are responding to this post. LOL!!!  I hate to admit it, but my wife will gladly tell everyone how introverted I am.  I never liked the tag anyway.  Of course my wife is the exact opposite.  IF we go shopping together (rare occassion), she meets 90 million people in the store and they all just have to catch up since last week they met in the store.  Geeze!  I'm glad she has so many friends cuz it kind of relieves me of the expectation of having to "talk" about "things" all the time. 

I'm so introverted, I'm sitting here in a closed air conditioned room with 12 computers surrounding me.  Ah... they purrr so wonderfullly!  :)

Great write!  I enjoyed reding the positive side to our way!

Joe

Hello John,

Good topic, although I must admit when I first saw the subject I did think it was
another of your humourous tales but then realised this is a serious topic.

I totally agree and understand where everyone is coming from in their respective
sharing.

Growing up I was introverted and shy when meeting new people. 
As an adult, I hated being late and entering the room when everyone else
was there for meetings, church, party etc as I did not know what to do with
myself, especially when people turned around to see who had arrived.

For the social gatherings of the a couple of Clubs I was member of I liked
to help in the kitchen as I at least had a job to do and was not standing
around wondering what I was going to do with my hands..

I was also not one for social chit chat and at parties where there was loud
music couldn't hear anyone anyway which was also very awkward.

My ex husband was more introvert and shy than I which was not always
pleasant because I often ended up having to lead the way.. Introvert leading
the introvert!!

James is so different and has brought out the shyness in me and we have so
much fun.  We always get into conversations with complete strangers where
ever we are - shopping, standing in line at the checkout etc.  We have never
had any further invitations given or accepted to get together.  Making new friends
that keep in touch has been quite hard here in Nebraska, and only still have
the friends we made back in Oregon and of course mine from New Zealand too.


Amanda