Terry,

That is very profound.  I would venture to say that people with 'shyness' have the same issue.  You have helped me understand depression much better.  My wife went through some serious depression a few years ago.  It was not easy for her or the family.  Somehow, we made it through it.  I am not sure how, but I know that the survival had a lot to do with tolerance and forgiveness on everyone's part.  Unconditional love was a major key.

Thank you, Joe!

You are very fortunate that your family survived your wife's depression.  I believe the stats are that 1 in 4 suffer with the illness and men are more likely to suffer in silence than woman.  They are also more likely to succeed at suicide.

I was very fortunate my family survived too.  When I say they survived I don't mean they don't bear the scars of my illness, but that the family as a whole stayed together.  Unconditional love is definitely a key factor, but sometimes even the strongest love cannot survive depression.

It takes a very special person to see a partner through.  I'm fortunate too, to have married that kind of a special person and I know from knowing you, that Natalie feels the same about you.

When you mention tolerance, I believe its necessary to understand the difference between being tolerant and being an enabler who allows for co-dependency.  That one took me a long time to understand.

Sincerely,

Terry

 

Hi Terry, Hi Joe,

I just discovered something about me when reading both of your recent posts.  I learned that depression is no longer one of my favorite topics.  I almost just passed this forum by without posting. I thought better of that decision and here I am. 

I went through my depression pretty much by myself (And a great therapist) as a single parent.  As I was recovering and learning that much of what I was going through was in no one's control but my own, I was raising 2 young men.

I am super fortunate in that both of them and I survived it all.  My oldest son is practically unscathed and we are very good friends.  We were "co-dependents" for a while.  We became very close during the break away period and have remained so.  The younger son, by less than 1 year still has some scars of the depression and the loss of his father.  Without the unconditional love on all of our parts, we would be pretty messed up. 

Used to be, I would gravitate toward the topic of depression.  There was guilt ingrained in the fact that I was not able to achieve the same results with Doug (he's 38 now) as I was with Rod who will be 40 in February.   There isn't any guilt left, and that realization just now hit home when I almost passed this forum by.. 

Not everyone or all families come close to the recovery that we have come through.  Three out of three!!  That give us hope  - hope for ourselves and hope for all individuals and families of them who are suffering or experiencing depression in their families.  If for no other reason - I am still drawn to the topic - it takes me back to where I came from long enough to know that I won't be going back there anytime soon!

Seems I have a rather long post here and who cares?

Cheers, my friends,

Judy

That is awesome, Judy!  Thank you for sharing your experience with us.  

Its why we created the topic.  We are here to provide support and hope for those who need it.  If anyone doesn't feel comfortable sharing their experience they can always PM any one of us. 

Don't suffer in silence ... we're here for you. 

Sincerely,

Terry

 

Hi Terry,

This is a very important post and will hopefully help many people.  I read Joe's post "How do people know they are depressed?" and had to answer.

I have been there.

I spent days keeping out of the room my children were in when they were little and I cried all the time.  I could only think that I had a very supportive husband, beautiful children, a nice home etc. but "WHY was I always crying?"  It took me three years to "Get over it" and I did need help and support. 

Thankfully now I can say I have regained control, noted what triggered depression both from past events and also I found taking the Pill was a cause. 
I tried many types of pill and refused to try any more in the end.  Since I stopped taking the pill 8 years ago, I have never had a recurrence of depression.  That's not the case or cause for everyone though and we each need to recognise what is our own trigger or cause.

Causes could be from a routine life, relationship breakup or difficulties, jobs, hormone/chemical imbalance, through to trauma of any kind.  Post surgery recovery, retirement, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) to problems such as my Son's Aspergers (mild autistic spectrum) are to name but a few.

For some poeple it starts as stress which comes out as nervous tics, migraine, nausea, panick attacks or even anger.  Most people with depression withdraw socially too and have a complete lack of confidence in mixing with others.  Some can hide it, but probably still feel it inside.

My son suffered deep depression too from an early age.  By the time he was nine he was suicidal and hearing voices.  To read my story about why I took him out of school click here or you can go via our blog which is all about Matthew's home education at  www.kayreeve.blogspot.com

There is more about how he has reached goals this year that we could only have hoped for in the past.  Visit my Blue Swan's Forum to read the good news about Matthew.

The thing that works least with depression is to wait for it to go away! 

People do care and understand.
and
Talking helps!

Thanks again Terry for touching on this difficult subject.

Best Wishes
Kay Reeve - Blue Swan