I can say that depression is probably the worst thing that I have been through in my life since it was a part of my life for the first 50 years of it.  I almost died of pneumonia, have had cancer, have had two brain surgeries, meningitis, and the list goes on, accept for the pain of trigeminal neuralgia, which was terrible lightning striking pain that could last for a few seconds to hours again suicide was an option for that.
Suicide was always a thought, but if I did that, then I would have to face God as a murderer and I was not going to do that, so I begged my wife to do it for me, even to the point of loading my shot gun and pushing it at her, the second time I did that one of us bumped the trigger and blew a hole in my dresser, that was 26 years ago and I still have the dresser to remind me of what it was like.  God gave me the best wife in the world because she put up with my mess for 28 years.  I begged God, to heal me He chose to put me on medication which was not a big deal at all talked to a neurologist, he put me on Prozac and within a month I was a different person. I am now on Paxil and many people say that nothing can get me down, when they say that I share with them the story of my pains that in itself has helped many people with their problems or a family member. I am full of joy, happy, GIVING GOD GLORY for what HE has done.
My problem is my brain does not produce enough serotonin.

dr gene bonebright

Thank you very much for allowing me to share

Marty, Judy and Gene,

I feel your pain ... I feel your hope ... I feel the wonderful changes that you have experienced and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing them.

I'm happy medications have worked for you Gene.  They didn't for me ... in fact for the most part they made the problem worse. 

I was 12 when I was given Phenobarbital.  That I remember it was just one prescription, but being that young, I may not remember correctly.  Three years later, I asked for my own prescription ... it was given to me with few questions asked.

I had several bouts of depression after that with several different types of medication to go along with it.  (My depressions tend to cycle every 2-4 years ... you can likely tell where I am in the cycle by the length of my hair!). 

Often times I got better after screaming inside because I couldn't take them all and would end up flushing them down the toilet ... followed by getting well again.

By the time I was diagnosed as being an "inbetween" bi-polar, I had been given numerous medications from all the different classes. 

In 1989, I was given Lithium to go along with another anti-depressant.  When they didn't work the Lithium dosage was increased. 

At one point I was taking 500 mg 3X a day.  When that didn't work, I was given Tegretol, an anti-seizure drug to go along with it.  That lasted a week.  By that time, my head felt like a football and I could barely walk.  I got off of it right after that.

To replace the Tegretol, I was given an MAO inhibitor.  I hallucinated for a week ... at home in the care of my husband ... the doctors preferred not to take responsibility for my condition.

Amazingly, I lived through that experience, but believe me when I tell you I went to 'ell and back before the drug was out of my system.

At that point, I told the doctors I wanted off of the Lithium and other medications.  They agreed to take me off the Lithium.  I took the anti-depressants for another 4 years and finally when they wouldn't take me off, I asked for the help of a pharmacist.  I've been medication free since 1998.

I still have bouts of depression, but its been manageable.  Mostly, because I know medication is not an option ... I know I need to stay in control.  It can be difficult at times, but I haven't hit bottom the way I used to since I stopped taking the medications.

Nothing except an in explicate pain is what you feel when you're in that dark hole.  I now see and appreciate nature.  I feel emotions like I'm supposed to.

I've learned the triggers.  I know when I'm too high that I will "crash" if I don't pay attention.  I know being high is followed by the low. 

Hello, Terry, Marty, Joe, And Gene,

Terry, thank you so much for sharing your story.  The similarities to some of my "medication" experiences are AMAZING - Medication for me was deemed to be a non-option some 27 years ago. 

Gene, your sharing made me feel like I'm a survivor and I don't know what exactly that makes you.  Wow!

Here's the glory and the miracle.  All of us are here to share our stories and ourselves with others.  We can give them hope and we can help them through what to them, may feel like a never ending battle.  Here we are - the battle is only a challenge for us today compared to what it used to be.  We live normal lives and we have hope for every tomorrow. 

This forum could serve for some a Terry's Back 2 Basics serves for network marketing. 

We are blessed!  Thank you, Lord!

Hi Terry,Judy,Joe and Gene,

Judy,you are so right. We are blessed.Yesterday the Black Cloud of Depression raised its ugly head and overcame me for most of the day.I was doing so great and then POW!!!!! I felt like I couldn't snap out of it and I was sinking deeper and deeper into the Black Hole.I couldn't fight it off and I was trying real hard.I stopped fighting it and I turned myself over to God.I prayed for My Family and My Friends and this took the focus off myself.I Stopped feeling sorry for my-self and I wrote a list of things that I am gratefull for.The list got bigger and bigger.and I realized how lucky and blessed I am just to be me.

This morning I woke up,I went to this Forum and re-read all of the post's that we have made.Terry God Bless You for starting this forum and Judy, Joe, and Jean Thank You for your honest input.I am gratefull for all of this.Today the Sunshine followed the rain for me and I am so gratefull that I can snap out of these regressions.

We have a great group,Let's help all of the people that have the same problem.

Thank All of You, Thank God,

Marty Bromberg

Hi "gang"

Marty,

Thanks for sharing your yesterday with us!I  have similar experiences from time to time and the wonderful part is that the actual duration of "the black hole experience" seems to lessen. 

Being a creature of habits, you could say that I crawl out faster and more willingly!  And, Marty thanking God, being grateful, visiting a goofy and funny forum all lend themselves as catalysts for the quick return to sunshine.

Today is a BEAUTIFUL day in PA - the first sunny day in a week so my spirits are soaring!

Nick Grimshaw has a great forum for us called "Beautiful Sunshine Morning"

It's a real inspiration and I recommend it to everyone.

Thanks Terry, again for this forum.  We are all blessed.