Hi Bill,

Great post on the Blame Game. 

I guess I could feel very fortunate that I realized early in my life exactly what you said in the following paragraph:  Stop blaming anyone or anything else.....look to yourself. These are your patterns and when you work to understand them you can. When you can understand the blame game you will no longer have to go there. The result will be happier and healthier patterns of relating.

But, I know several friends and two family members that no matter how hard they (or any of us) try, they cannot see this.  It is so sad, and I wish I could just reach out and change them myself, because life is way too short not to be happy.

How do you get people to realize that perception is 9/10 of their reality, and that everything they are looking for is already inside them?

Hmmmmm..........

Anyway, great forum!  Thank you!

Bless you,  Jill

Hi Jill

  There is a flipside to the blame game that a lot of people get caught up in. When one blames themselves for everything. This too can be a very hurtful way to live. This comes into play also with the BPD. Sometimes, the abandonment issues from childhood lead one to believe that there is something wrong with them and that nobody could love them. This causes them feel feel responsible when they are being abused.

  A little personal experience regarding this type of a blame game comes from a past relationship when the one I loved broke our trust by going out with someone else. Because of my past, I just naturally felt that there there must be a reason for her to do that and it had to be something wrong with me. the more she betrayed me, the harder I tried to be what she wanted.

  No more though. It took many years to find my self worth and now I know that it was not my fault at all. Some people just canot remain loyal to one person no mater how hard they try. Then, there are those too, that never really try. One thing for sure though is that no mater how solid a relationship starts out, once the trust is broken, there is little left to hold two people together.

Hello Everybody

    Getting back to the narcissist, I think we can all relate to the mean little child that lives within some of the adults we know. There is a big problem though, when one of these adult children reaches a position of influence or power. People like Hitler, Sadaam Huesein and perhaps even G.W. Bush.

"SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED" - 1 new article

Narcissists: Troubled Cases of Arrested Child Dev...

The simplest way to view narcissists is as troubled cases of arrested child development.

Children haven't the emotional baggage older kids and adults have acquired, but the delightful effect of this freedom on them isn't what it us usually equated to - innocence and lovingness.

Children don't take the needs, feelings, and rights of others into account. What they want is all that matters. Children can be very cruel. Improperly raised, they become terrors.

Childishness is appropriate in children, who have not yet acquired the experience to grow. So, we cut them slack and see the humor in their behavior, finding their childishness amusing, remembering that we were their age once and just like them.

It's easy to be so generous with children, because they can't hurt us. They are totally dependent on us, and they know that.

But when this same childishness persists in an adult, we don't readily see the humor in it. It is always viewed with contempt.

So, it isn't exactly a virtue in children then, either.

Ask a teacher: the main difference between an adult and a child is that a child isn't responsible for his own behavior and an adult is.

Now, when you get a grown-up child, with the power of an adult, or perhaps with great power as a high-ranking official, you have great power coupled with no responsibility. The recipe for a reign of terror.

Like Hitler or Saddam Hussein. Narcissists. Children with all power and no accountability.

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Hi Bill,

I haven't been to this thread before but I've seen it pop up several times. I read it, even with my avoidance of long articles! 

Reading that reminds me of Scott Peterson, he was described as being very narcissistic and went as far as to think he could get away with murder.  Do you think he fits the description?  People who knew him since he was a child said he always needed to be the center of attention and be lavished with praise. 

Hi Kathleen

   Thanks for stopping by  and posting. Yes, I think Scot Peterson probably is a narcissist. Some people with this disorder just can't settle for anything less than complete controll over their mates. Many will stop at nothing to get what they want because they can only see the world in terms of how things relate to their own needs. While not all narcissists are killers, I would bet that most killers are narcissists.

   By the way folks, Kathleen has a really great forum going on right now. If you want to see some good videos and hear some great tunes, stop by her forum at

http://community.adlandpro.com/forums/thread/623989.aspx