Hi Peter,

Sorry about that, but that eating for "fun" over the past 60 or so years is what just about sent me back home to meet my Maker, not that Heaven would be a bad place to be, but I'm just not quite ready to leave all of my Friends down here just yet.

Anyway, I did enjoy your "Turtle" burgers, they were cute. Also, to be perfectly honest with you, I had some fun experiences over the years with Redneck cooking. Here's a few ways that you can always tell if...

A Chef Is Truly A Redneck...

1. His diploma is from Jed's Culinary Institute & School of Refrigerator Repair
2. He recently switched from butter to bacon lard for healthier fryin'
3. His prior working experience as Manager at the Sizzler included overseeing the menu for "Woodchuck Fest Week"
4. His special soup du jour features braised possum chunks and mushrooms from his own back yard
5. He continues to insist that "food poisonin' had nothing to do with all them customers gittin' sick last week" and disagrees with the findings of the Health Department, maintaining the whole thing was just a "co-incidence."
6. If you send something back to the kitchen, he takes it personally and deflates your tires with an ice pick while you're ordering desert.
7. His/Her chef's cap has the official "Spam Lite" logo on it
8. He thinks "sauté" is a French word for "fry it up good"
9. His/Her under the impression the botulism is a natural weekly occurrence and has little or nothing to do with food preparation.
10. You realize there's a smoldering grudge match between the dishwasher and the head maitre'd after a fight breaks out... the chef is hit in the groin with the garlic press... everyone in the place sees their golden opportunity and runs out without paying.

Hi Cheryl,

Thanks so much for stopping by for a visit. Always good to have Friends dropping in. Like I said, it was the best Barbecue that I've ever eaten and quite possibly, the most expensive, but worth every penny of it.

We were working the picture gig down in Forsyth, GA, at the local Walmart there, shooting the Glamour Shots to raise money for the Children's Miracle Network, and we met a ladyat the Walmart store, who had been an extra in the movie back when it was filmed. We eventually hired her to do Makeup and Hair for several locations that we were booked to do in that part of Georgia, so she suggested that we meet her down at the Whistle Stop in Juliette, GA, to talk things over at lunch. A Barbecue Sandwich, an order of Fried Green Tomatoes, and a large Sweet Tea (free refills of course) was $9 and change, plus a $2 tip., not counting my share of our new makeup/hair Girl's meal. You're right "the Secret's in the Sauce", and there's a large tombstone out back of the Building that reads, "Here lies Frank Bennett, Valdosta, Georgia, 'The Secrets In The Sauce, And So Am I'."

I've had so many great times over the years, Ain't God Wonderful! Praise the Lord!

The "Whistle Stop Cafe", Main Street, Juliette Georgia

Bless You My Friend,

Phil

Hi Friends,

Well it's Sunday afternoon, and you all know what that means. It's time to share a few more Grins & Giggles from my email box. These are some that I received from GCFL . So, without further ado, here goes...

__________

King of the Jungle

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He
went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is
mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The trembling monkey answered, "You are, mighty lion!

Later, the lion confronted an ox and fiercely bellowed, "Who
is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The terrified ox stammered, "Oh great lion, you are the
mightiest animal in the jungle!"

On a roll now, the lion swaggered up to an elephant and
roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"

Fast as lightning, the elephant snatched up the lion with
his trunk and slammed him against a tree half a dozen times,
leaving the lion feeling as if it had been run over by a
safari wagon. The elephant then stomped on the lion until it
looked like a corn tortilla and ambled away.

The lion let out a moan of pain, lifted his head weakly, and
hollered after the elephant, "Just because you don't know
the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"

__________

In the Dorm

In the dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water
fights: dousing and bombarding one another with water from
squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since
each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most
frequent target was the resident assistant.

Approaching his room one afternoon, the resident assistant
noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of
water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As
he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he
thought: Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool
me with that old gag! But then he noticed that "those crazy
guys" had removed the drainpipe beneath his sink.

__________

Basketball Game

After a recent college basketball game, the coach spotted a
cell phone lying on the floor. He picked it up and handed it
to one of the referees, saying, "Here's your phone."

"What makes you think it's mine?" the ref asked.

"Easy," the coach replied. "It says you missed 13 calls."

__________

Dress Shop Burglary

"Sir, I understand you admit to having broken into the dress
shop four times," the judge said.

"Yes, Your Honor," the suspect replied.

"What did you steal?" the judge asked.

"I stole a dress, Your Honor," replied the suspect.

"One dress?" the judge bellowed. "But you have admitted to
breaking in four times!"

"Yes, Your Honor," sighed the suspect, "but the first three
times my wife didn't like the color and you just don't understand how she gets when she's not satisfied!"

__________

And finally, my favorite "Groaner" of all times...

Groaner: Alexander the Great

The armies of Alexander the Great were greatly feared in
their day, but there was one problem that they had that
almost defeated them. Alexander could not get his people to
staff meetings on time. He always held the meetings at 6:00
P.M. each day after the day's battle was done, but
frequently his generals either forgot or let the time slip
up on them and missed the 6:00 P.M. staff meeting. This
angered Alexander very much, to say the least!

So he called in his research team and set up a project to
develop a method of determining the time at 6:00 P.M. each
day. There were no clocks in those days, at least none that
could be carried around. The smallest was a giant water
clock. "Find a way for my staff to determine the hour of the
day, or at least when it gets to be 6:00 P.M.," he said.
"Cost is no object."

A study was instituted and, with several brain-storming
sessions, his staff came up with the following idea. In a
land some distance away, there grew a bush whose berries
contained a type of dye that changed color at 6:00 P.M. each
evening. They found that by dyeing strips of cloth and
issuing them to the generals, they could see when it was
6:00 P.M. by the color change and could consistently get to
the 6:00 P.M. meetings on time. Needless to say, this
pleased Alexander very much.

It was then turned over to his marketing group to come up
with a name for this new invention as Alexander saw definite
market potential in the strips. "It can be worn on the wrist
and can be easily watched for the color change," said one
junior executive. "I therefore propose to call it the Wrist
Watch." This name was immediately discarded for being too
bland and obvious.

Another man suggested that since it could be worn in the
navel and could be observed by just looking down, it should
be called the Navel Observatory. This idea was rejected
immediately as being too weird and too technical sounding
for the general public.

A junior vice-president suggested that since it could be
worn around the neck and would ensure that you would be
informed when it reached 6:00 P.M., it should be called the
Six O'Clock Noose, but this was rejected as too threatening.

Finally the senior vice president, who up to now had been
silent, spoke and rendered his decision. "We shall call it a
timeband, and in honor of the Great Alexander, it shall be
known as 'Alexander's Rag Timeband'!"

__________

Have A Happy Week My Dear Friends,

Phil