Hello Robert & Karen,

Thanks so much for stopping by to visit and taking the time to share a smile or two. Robert, I love the Ferris Wheel picture. I'm afraid that these days, that's about the only ride that I'll still get on and ride. Rollercoasters have just gotten Way Too Insane for me.

The newest one locally is called the Intimidator, a steel roller coaster at the Carowinds amusement park down in Charlotte, NC. The roller coaster's name comes from the nickname of the late NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt. The ride starts out with a 232-foot lift hill that has a 211-foot drop angled at 74 degrees. At the bottom of this drop, the train reaches its top speed of 80 miles per hour and pulls up into the second, 178-foot hill, which has an overbanked turn on the drop. The train then pulls up a camelback hill, which is 151-foot tall. On this hill, riders experience negative g-force, which results in a sensation known as "airtime". The train then pulls into a 121-foot panoramic u-turn. After the u-turn, there are two more camelback hills, which are 105-foot and 90-foot. These hills are followed by the mid-course brake run. Following the brakes, the train pulls up another hill, which is 62-foot and banks into a diving spiral. The train pulls up another 52-foot hill, drops, and raises 48-foot onto the final brake run. After the train slows, it curves to the left and pulls back into the station. Just way too much for me.

Anyway, now for a few laughs. Hope you both get a Chuckle out of these...

__________

Smarter

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.

"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"

"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."

"You sell them here?" the customer asks.

"Only $4 apiece," says Green.

The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.

"You didn't eat enough, " says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks l ater, he's back and this time he's really angry.

"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"

"You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already."

__________

Sweet Potatoes

Every morning during our coffee break at work, my co-workers and I listened to the culinary disasters of a young Blonde who had recently married. We then tried to share some helpful hints and recipes.

One day she asked us for step-by-step instructions on cooking Sweet Potatoes, one of her husband's favorites. "I've finally been able to make them sweet," she said, "now, exactly how do I make them orange?"

__________

Baking

Mrs. Pauley tried her hand at baking cinnamon rolls for the first time.

She put them on the breakfast table, and Pauley picked one up and took a bite. Mrs. Pauley waited for several minutes for the compliment that never came.

Finally, she asked: "How much do you think I get if I sold those cinnamon rolls commercially?"

"No more than 10 years," Pauley replied, never putting down the morning paper.

Mr. Pauley's Services will be tomorrow morning at 11:00 AM.

__________

Chocolate Ice Cream

A man approached an ice cream van and said, "I'd like two scoops of chocolate ice cream, please."

The girl behind the counter replied, "I'm very sorry, sir, but our delivery didn't come this morning. We're out of chocolate."

"In that case," the man continued, "I'll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream."

"You don't understand, sir," the girl said. "We have no chocolate."

"Then just give me some chocolate," he insisted.

Getting angrier by the second, the girl asked, "Sir, will you spell 'van,' as in 'vanilla'?"

The man spelled, "V-A-N."

"Now spell 'straw,' as in 'strawberry.'"

"OK. 'S-T-R-A-W.'"

"Now," the girl asked, "spell 'stink,' as in 'chocolate.'"

The man hesitated and then looked confused as he replied, "There is no stink in chocolate."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" she screamed.

__________

Have A Happy Weekend My Friends,

Phil

Hi Friends,

I'll be back by in a little while with a few more Grins & Giggles for the Weekend. Meanwhile, I ran across this again just this morning, and wanted to share with you all.

Hi Friends,

As promised, here's a few more to make the weekend a little happier, I hope. Hunting, they tell me, can be an enjoyable way to spend a weekend. After reading these, I'm not so sure...

~~~~~~

Mumba Snake

A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was "all torn up." "What happened?" he asked.
"Well, we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck."
"Go on," the friend said.
"Well, I sneaked up to the tail laying across the jungle path, grabbed it by the end, and rapidly moved my other hand upward ... just as the procedure goes."
"So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked.
"Did you ever *goose* a tiger?"

~~~~~

Top Five Signs You've Hired The Wrong Hunting Guide

5. Your guide blows into big sea shell horn to attract game and a bunch of Vikings show up instead.
4. Your guide is completely outfitted with "Barney" camping equipment.
3. As you close in on a deer, your guide whispers in an Elmer Fudd voice, "Be vehhwey vehhwey quiet."
2. He calls trees by their first names.
And the number one sign you’ve hired the wrong hunting guide:
1. He is prone to scream, "Run, Bambi, RUN!"

~~~~~~

Where's Henry?

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?"
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail."
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!"
"A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry."

~~~~~

SHHH...Be Real Quiet

Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand.
When he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be quiet!"
Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really tried!! When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said - 'Should we take them with us or eat them here?', I couldn't keep quiet any more!"

~~~~~

Brace Yourself

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call.
Before long their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him."
After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"
The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself.

~~~~~

And finally...

Hunting, Sort Of...

Shelia walked into the kitchen to find her husband, Fred, stalking around with a fly swatter.

"And what are we doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies" he responded.

"Oh? Killing any?" she asked, with a smirk.

"Yep! Got 4 males, 3 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How the heck can you tell?"

"Simple." He replied, "4 were on a beer can, 3 were on the phone."

~~~~~

Have A Super Saturday My Friends,

Phil

Hello Phil, been reading through your latest jokes. Thank you for the laughs! Really cute about the Sweet Potatoes. :-)

Keep on laughing and smiling - even if it makes people wonder about you. :-)

Sara