Hello Friends,

Here's a few more laughs to start of the week. If there's anyone still out there, I hope they'll give you a smile or two.

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.

Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"

A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"

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A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

He had no trouble with discipline that term.

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A young student reported for a final examination that consisted of only true/false questions. The student took a seat in the hall, stared at the test for five minutes, removed a coin from his pocket and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet. Heads meant true, tails meant false. The young student finished the exam in 30 minutes, while the rest of the class was sweating it out. Suddenly, during the last few minutes, the young student began desperately throwing the coin and sweating profusely.

The moderator, alarmed, approached the student and asked what was going on.

"Well, I finished the exam in half an hour," said the student, "but I thought I ought to recheck my answers."

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The new family in the neighborhood overslept and their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work himself, had to drive her. Since he did not know the way, he said that she would have to direct him to the school. They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a short distance from their home.

The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she'd led him around in such a circle.

The child explained, "That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's the only way I know."

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Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?"

Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?"

He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker."

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One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her.

"I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school.

So now I've come to spend the day with him!"

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Have A Wonderful Day,

Phil

Hello Friends,

Thought we could share a few smiles to brighten up your day.

Old Man

A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong.

Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm just so in love with my twenty-five-year-old wife."

"What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.

Between the sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You can't understand. Every morning before she goes to work, she cooks me breakfast and kisses me and tells me she loves me. At lunchtime she comes home and embraces me warmly, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home with ice cream, the best an old man could want. And then after a gourmet supper, she gives me a warm bath, and she cuddles up with me all night." He breaks
down, no longer able to speak.

The young man puts his arm around him. "Oh, I think I see. I bet you just found out she's with you for your money?"

"No," the old man answers through his sobbing and tears, "I forgot where I live."

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She Don't Look So Good!

After examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, the doctor took the woman's husband aside and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."

"Me neither, doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook, and she's really good with the kids."

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Olives

A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the
same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.

"Well," said a customer, "I never saw anything as peculiar as that!"

"What's so peculiar about it?" the bartender said. "His wife sent him out for a jar of olives."

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And finally, like I always say...

Old Age Is NOT for Sissies

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"

"Yes, sweetheart," he answered. "God made me a long time ago."

"Oh," she paused. "Grandpa, did God make me too?"

"Yes, indeed, honey," he said. "God made you just a little while ago."

Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

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Have A Happy Week,

Phil

Hi Phil!

Thanks for the Laugh... much appreciated!

Have a great week!

Blessings,

Alain

Hi Alain,

Thanks for stopping by and sharing a laugh or two. Always good to see you here.

Have A Terrific Tuesday,

Phil

Hello Friends,

Haven't stopped by in awhile to share a laugh or two, so here's a few cute ones that I found recently.

Cherry Brandy

Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration: that the pastor acknowledge
receipt of the gift in the church paper.

"Gladly," responded the good man.

When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned at once to the "Appreciation" column. There he read: "The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given."

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Doorbell

I was accompanying my eight-year-old daughter who was selling cookies door-to-door for the Girl Scouts.

After visiting several homes, she commented on the different styles of doorbells: some buzzed, some rang, some warbled. We made a game of guessing what the next bell would sound like.

At the precise moment she touched the doorbell at one house, the church tower began to chime. She wheeled around with a look of amazement on her face. "Now that's a doorbell!"

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Petty Argument

A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error.

"I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right."

He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first.

"I'm wrong," she said.

With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!"

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Birthday Party

A lady threw a party for her granddaughter. She had gone all out with a caterer, a band, and even a clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she
would give them a meal if they would chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.

The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half an hour, the clown finally called to report
that he was stuck in traffic, and he would probably not make the party at all.

The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did
midair flips, and leaped high into the air.

She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I've never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $100!"

The other bum said, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. HEY WILLIE! FOR $100, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"

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Have A Terrific Tuesday,

Phil