Hello My Friends,

Just in case there's anyone still out there, I figured that you might need a Laugh.

Hiccups Cure

A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face.

"What did you do that for?" the man asks.

"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"

The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!"

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Lying

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

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Horse For Sale

An old farmer is outside for a walk around his land when he sees a sign on his neighbor's lawn: "Horse for Sale." Curious, he decides to have a look-see. As he approaches his neighbor's stable, he sees his old Italian friend brushing down a fine-looking stallion.

"Hello, friend. I saw your sign out there and came over to see your horse for sale."

Now, the Italian farmer speaks very poor English, but he manages to answer well enough. "Yep, yep, disa is da horse for-a sale."

"This horse here?" quizzes the old farmer. "Why, he's a fine horse! Why-ever would you sell him?"

"Well," sighs the Italian farmer, "he no looka so good anymore."

The old farmer, convinced that his neighbor has lost his mind, pays his Friend and leads the horse across his field over to the stable. As he taps the horse gently on the back to coax him into the stable, he watches as the horse misses the door completely and smacks head first into the wall. "That ol' cheat sold me a near blind horse!" growls the old farmer.

He then proceeds to storm over across the field, reigns in hand, to give his neighbor a piece of his mind. "You sold me a near blind horse, you ol' cheat, and you didn't even tell me!" he screams.

"Eh! I tolla you!" cries the Italian farmer. "I say, 'He no looka so good anymore!'"

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And finally, some things I learned while working for the County...

Government Office Rules

1) If it rings, put it on hold.

2) If it clanks, call the repairman.

3) If it whistles, ignore it.

4) If it's a friend, take a break.

5) If it's the boss, look busy.

6) If it talks, take notes.

7) If it's handwritten, type it.

8) If it's typed, copy it.

9) If it's copied, file it.

10) If it's Friday, forget it!

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Have A Great Week & Keep Smiling,

Phil

Hi Myrna,

I've been absent quite a bit lately due to health problems, but with the Lord's help, I'll still make it one day at a time. Thanks so much for asking. Here's a few more Funnies to help us keep Smiling...

Fight Like A Man

Three men were sitting in a bar lying about how under their thumb they had their wives.

The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.

They looked at the third man and he said, "I have my wife so under my thumb that the other day I had her crawling towards
me on her hands and knees."

Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that.

The man replied,"Well, I was lying under the bed and she crawled over and said, 'Come out and fight like a man!'"

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Employment Form

My sense of humor always gets me into trouble, but I just can't help it.

Applying for a job one time, the employment form clearly said: "Age of Father, if living" and the same query for my
Mother.

I put down the figures 119 and 117 in the spaces provided, and the interviewer asked if my parents were truly that old.

I replied, "No, but they would be if they were still living."

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Go Easy At First

Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug, and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her, and told her how much he loved her.

Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about six months ago. It had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better.

Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her, and told her that he loved her.

His wife burst into tears.

Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"

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Kid's Play

A firefighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl is wearing a firefighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and cat. The firefighter walks over to take a closer look.

"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter says with admiration.

"Thanks," the little girl says.

The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's tail.

"Little partner," the firefighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replied, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

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Have A Blessed Week My Friend,

Phil