Thomas and Tamara were attending a dinner
party so that Thomas's mother could meet
Tamara for the first time.

Towards the end of the evening, Tamara
approached Thomas and asked if there was
a problem, as Thomas's mother seemed to
be avoiding her after their first introduction.

"Honestly, my dear," Thomas said, "Mother
finds you to be, how should I put it, a bit on
the crude side."

"Crude? Doesn't she know that I come from
one of the most respected families in Boston?
That I was educated in Switzerland? That I
attended the finest finishing schools on the
East Coast? That I obtained a master's degree
at Vassar, graduating Magna Cum Laude?"
Tamara asked.

"Yes, yes, my love, I told her all that,"
Thomas replied.

"Then where the @?#! does that snooty
#%$@ come off with all that "crude" bullsh*t?"

Hi Evelyn & Robert,

Robert I'm glad you're having fun here that's the object. There's enough crap flying around and enough smiles and laughter.

Evelyn, the joke with the kid's been around for ages and has had many versions it never ceases to get a chuckle outta me though. Now as for that "crude" gal.........I've seen unconditional lovers that are much cruder then she is. :)

Here's my contribution for the day.

Shalom,

Peter

Hey Robert,

That kid sure is talented and has nimble fingers. Loved it.

Shalom,

Peter

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his flock in a remote mountainous pasture in California , when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.


The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglassesand YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked Bud, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd,Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility inHamburg, Germany .

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right (says Bud with a smirk). Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says,"Okay,why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct", says the yuppie,"but how did you guess that?"


"No guessing required." answered Bud,"You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows,for that matter.This is a flock of sheep....Now, give me back my dog.

Hi Friends,

This one is old but "cute".

Shalom,

Peter

An armed, hooded robber
bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash.
On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shoots the guy without hesitation!
He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen
him.
One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber shoots
him also.
Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
"Did anyone else see my face?" calls the robber.
There are a few moments silence, then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand, clears his throat, and says: "I think me wife may have caught a glimpse...!"