Security Levels Around The World

1] The English are feeling the pinch inrelation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from"Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levelsmay be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A BitCross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since theblitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have beenre-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." Thelast time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level wasduring the great fire of1666.

[2] The Scots raised their threat levelfrom "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards" They don'thave any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front linein the British army for the last 300 years.

[3] The French government announced yesterday that it has raised itsterror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higherlevels in France are
"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise wasprecipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory,effectively paralyzing the
country's military capability.

[4] It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly"to "Elaborate
Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "IneffectiveCombat Operations" and "Change Sides."

[5] The Germans also increased their alert state from "DisdainfulArrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." Theyalso have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

[6] Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and theonly threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

[7] The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready todeploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanishnavy
can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

[8] Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all oftheir allies, just in case.

[9] New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from"baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (theair force being a squadron of
spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats inthe Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of
escalation, which is "****, I hope Australia will come and rescueus".

[10] Australia meanwhile, has raised its security level from"No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Three moreescalation levels remain, [a] "Crikey!', [b] "I think we'll need tocancel the barbie this weekend" and [c] "The barbie iscanceled".
So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalationlevel.

[11] Norway has well defined securitylevels too. They have responded to the current situation by raising theirsecurity level from “I’m away from the office on vacation for three months,please leave a message” to “ I’m on my boat, can it wait until next week?” Anyfurther escalation will call into play “I’m at the hut, let’s talk Monday”.There is then the ultimate level “Better call a meeting and get somebody to dosomething.”