Happy New Year's Eve everyone. May 2010 be your best year ever!!!

WASHINGTON, DC (AP) -
Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for
many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA), signed
into law by President Obama shortly after its passage, is being
hailed as a major victory by advocates of the millions of Americans who
lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and
drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society," said Obama, a longtime AWNA supporter. "This is why many of
them voted for me. We can no longer stand by and allow People of
Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation,
employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small
group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some
idea of what they are doing", said Obama.

President Obama pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which
has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to
performance. Approximately 80 percent of postal employees lack job
skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of
Inability.

Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination
against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry
(68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%)
.
President Obama has also set an example, personally selecting hundreds
of Non-abled people for top government positions, including many
cabinet-level jobs.

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle
man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but
little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose
and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to
guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The
legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which
maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in top positions,
and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to
hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more
difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning discriminatory
interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or
"Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?" and
"Are you awake?"

"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who
have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her
lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people
like me."

With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented
citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Obama,
"It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American
citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to
take up in this great nation."

:)