With Apologies to Edgar Allen Poe

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor.
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets.
Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer.
Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command,
But instead got a reprimand. It read "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices Solomon himself had never faced before.
Carefully, I weighed the options. These three seemed to be the top ones.
Clearly, now I must adopt one. "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

With my fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored.
Praying for some guarantee, finally I pressed a key –
But on the screen, what did I see? "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

I tried to catch the chips off-guard — I pressed again but twice as hard.
Luck was not in the cards. I saw what I had seen before.
Now I typed in desperation, trying random combinations.
Still there came the incantation: "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

There I sat, distraught, exhausted. By my own machine accosted.
Getting up, I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw an awful sight, a bold and blinding flash of light.
A lightning bolt had cut the night and shook me to my core.
I saw the screen collapse and die. "No! No! My database!," I cried.
I thought I heard a voice reply, "You'll see your data Nevermore!"

To this day I do not know the place to which lost data goes.
I bet it goes to Heaven where the angels have it stored.
But as for productivity, well I fear, it goes straight to Hell.
And that's the tale I have to tell, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

12 Step Program Of Recovery For Web Addicts

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

7) I will read a book... if I still remember how.

8) I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!

Quote:
12 Step Program Of Recovery For Web Addicts

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

7) I will read a book... if I still remember how.

8) I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!

Gaby I think I need all 12 steps, especially the first four. They really hit the nail on the head. I love it!!!!

:)

There was a man who worked for the Post Office

Hi All,

Gaby and Evelyn thanks for your latest jokes they're hilarious.

Here's one that I think you'll enjoy. :)

Found on the Refrigerator One Morning

My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.

Please don't be upset----I shall be home before midnight.

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, 18 years old.

As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime next week.