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Peter Fogel

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
2/6/2010 10:21:20 PM
Hi All,

Once again here's one that's funny, true and so sad that we're saddled with this guy for three more years.

Shalom,

Peter

LINCOLN AND OBAMA

1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration. Obama used the same Bible.

2. Lincoln came from Illinois. Obama comes from Illinois

3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature. Obama served in the
Illinois Legislature.

4. Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President. Obama
had very little experience before becoming President.

5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his
inauguration. Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for
his inauguration.

6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

7. Lincoln was a Republican. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

8. Lincoln was highly respected. Obama is a skinny lawyer

9. Lincoln was born in the United States. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

10. Lincoln was an honest lawyer, so honest he was called Honest Abe.
Obama is a skinny lawyer.

11. Lincoln led America through the civil war and successfully ended the
war on slavery. Obama is a skinny lawyer.

12. Lincoln's birthday is documented and a holiday. Obama is a skinny
lawyer.

13. Lincoln defended and protected the United States Constitution. Obama is a skinny lawyer.
Peter Fogel
Babylon 7
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Peter Fogel

1470
7259 Posts
7259
Invite Me as a Friend
Top 25 Poster
Person Of The Week
RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
2/6/2010 11:04:28 PM
FOR THOSE WHO REMEMBER.....AND THOSE WHO DON'T.

Hollywood Squares:

These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..


Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under
water long enough.

Q.
If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q.
True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q.
You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q.
According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q.
Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency...

Q.
In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty...

Q.
What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q.
As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A.. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q.
Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q.
In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q.
It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q.
During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q.
Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q.
When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q.
If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q.
According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q.
It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q..
Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q.
Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q.
When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q.
Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q.
According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh



Peter Fogel
Babylon 7
+0
Peter Fogel

1470
7259 Posts
7259
Invite Me as a Friend
Top 25 Poster
Person Of The Week
RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
2/6/2010 11:17:28 PM
Hi All,

I just got this one and thought you'd enjoy it as much as I did.

Shalom,

Peter

Post Turtle...

YOU'VE GOT TO LOVE THIS RANCHER'S OUTLOOK & COMMON SENSE APPROACH TO LIFE ......




While suturing up a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, whose hand had been caught in the gate while working his cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama, and his being our president.

The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, Obama is just a Post Turtle."

Now not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked,

What's a "Post Turtle?"

The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he sure as heck ain't goin' anywhere, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there in the first place.


Peter Fogel
Babylon 7
+0
John Leal

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RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
2/7/2010 12:32:28 AM

Hi Peter

I saw you coming...


Watch the hilarious full series!


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Peter Fogel

1470
7259 Posts
7259
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Person Of The Week
RE: Your Friday Chuckle (On Saturday - Again :) ) 5/8/09
2/7/2010 11:46:10 AM
Hey John,

British humor at its best. Great laughs.

Now it's time for some stimulation. :)

Shalom,

Peter

Some Time year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.



This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by Using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.


Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.



Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.


Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?


A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a High-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.


Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy by Spending your stimulus check wisely:


* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will Go to China or Sri Lanka .


* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.


* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .



* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ..



* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .




* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .



* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go To management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.



Instead, keep the money in America by:


1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.


(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )



Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard Sale and drink beer all day !


No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.


Peter Fogel
Babylon 7
+0


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