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My dear Sir Roger,
You left me here so deep and compassionate words, which I received as they were sent : by whole heart and sincerest appreciation , but don`t know to respond you.
Tried to catch up with Branka to ask her about a few things - but couldn`t find her. So, I will tell you a few facts and a few assumptions.
Hm ...
I remember, at the worst years here (1992-1996 - a civil war and hunger) mother`s uncles, who live at the Perth, W. Australia, sent us an invitation letter with a full guarantee, to move to Australia. Mother couldn`t accept, and we stayed here. Later, and now also, some of her very rich and grateful to her, German clients, would feel blessed if she/we come to live at Germany. But, we are here.
The Serbs, as I know us, may be divided at least, at two main groups: a) national romanticism (fatalism cruised between delight and despair, myth and wrong interpreted Christian religion, inferior superiority or superior inferiority - those are Branka`s words, which I accepted as a very real) ; b) emancipated and aware people. It is 92 % : 8 % .... in favor of the first group, but this 8 % is so high potential and for the moment simply M A N Y people :) ... however it may sound.
Until now - I was tied to mother, and her decisions were an obligative for me. I am not sure (do not think about that so often) what would be my decision after finishing University.
Now I beg you to trust me (if I would be able to say this correctly and understudy in English) .
I know for the saddists and masochists ... but our GOOD feelings at all those times, might not be considered as a masochism . We didn`t enjoy in suffering, but greatly have enjoyed FINDING THE WAY TO OVERCOME IT, to build "mind muslecs" to be resistant to any possible danger and pain (not ignorant, but resistant !!!) ... I WISH I CAN DESCRIBE YOU THIS KIND OF JOY AND A GREAT FEELING!
To defeat hunger. Fear. Death. To see a real and alive God always beside and inside ... Roger, we didn`t become heroes ; just AWAKEN, AWARE ! I am grateful to my physical mother and to my invisible but real Father .... for all those times. While our neighbors used to commit suicide - cann`t looking at their hungry children - my mother taught me to strip that veil of ilussion - and to laugh ... to sing ... to find better games than to suffer and think of hunger.
All of our friends from Croatia left this region, and went world wide. When criticized Mom why she didn`t go, she usually says : "God is everywhere, also at Serbia."
Sir Roger, before I read your post, I was thinking of you. Lilly brought me last Paulo Coelho`s novel "Brida" and just started reading it. I like his writings very much. At the beginning of this novel, he stated that seekers for the truth may be considered as a " constructors (they built ....built....built ... but when finish, stay imprisoned between the constracted walls :( ) ... and GARDENERS !!!! (who seed and plant ... and never experience limits of the birth and then ... another birth )" . If you`d have oportunitty - please read this novel.
I sense I already wrote too much.
Being very touched by your words, telling you A BIG BIG THANK YOU, I will be happy to leave you with words : LIFE IS A WONDER!
Bless you,
Luka
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