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Kim Stilwell

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Re: Adland Friends Remembered - 2009
4/18/2009 10:22:18 AM
Ok then Amanda and Roger and everyone, anyone want to bring it back to life? I will begin with the point about friends coming along but then just disappearing. Perhaps we may encourage ourselves with the idea that since someone has to be a friend in order for a relationship, then someone has to start the ball rolling. We can't always expect the other person to do it. Also, I do imagine that while there are people here whose motive is soley business, I am sure there are others who are here for community or relationship, after all, in this state of individualism that this world has come unlike older days when families, neighbors, and communities were very close, I do believe alot of people lack what community and relationship provides. I think God made us for relationships of all kinds, and he did so for good reason. It's through various relationships that so many of the natural human needs are met. They certainly are not all met by external things such as money and what it can buy, right? I always love to see and hear people open up and share from their hearts what they are feeling or seeing or having trouble with or needing etc. But we seem to need a subject to draw a get communication rolling. Anyone got a subject idea? I'll throw one out in the meantime... How has your view of Love (of all kinds) been shaped by your life experiences? and...Part II...How does this view of love shape your personality? Anyone want to think on this and share? Kim
Amanda Martin-Shaver

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Re: Adland Friends Remembered - 2009
4/18/2009 11:52:47 AM
Hi Kim,

Throwing down the gaunlet eh! *grin*  Well I am game
enough to pick it up.

I like attending forum threads that have a good conversation
going on, I am not too focused on just business promoting.

There use to be some really great topics where I could dig my
teeth into, although sometimes it did get a little heated as we
have differing opinions.  However, we all have to learn that
even when you have a different opinion we still need to accept
the other persons viewpoint and agree to disagree - but first
and foremost still respect the other person and remember that
online friendships are just as rewarding as real in person
friends.  Although I admit I do not have any real in person
friends here in Nebraska yet we have tried to with our
neighbours, they all keep themselves very much to themselves
which is a shame in this rural area of 5 houses within a 1/4
mile of everyone.
My friends I made back in Oregon I keep in touch with regularly,
and my New Zealand friends.

I made a new girlfriend from Ohio and we just clicked and we
call each other and email, this has been so wonderful.  I know
the Lord Jesus had a hand in this friendship.

Roger Macdivitt .

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Re: Adland Friends Remembered - 2009
4/18/2009 12:28:44 PM

Thank you Amanda and Kim,

This was one of my favourite forums. I had such lovely feedback with this one.

Kim, no I've never taken the test you mention. I will try to do so.

This is an unexpected pleasure and a little of a surprise especially as I was due to announce a little break.

I am totally inundated with day-job stuff and also have a family wedding coming up, I'm meeting my best friend of 30 years ago when he visits England again from New Zealand, his first trip home since then.

We have every weekend in May sewn up and so last night I came home and went into a sort of melt-down. I am a positive person, but last night I felt overwhemed and went to bed early (I never do that).  Today I'm planning and decided that for a month I would have to cut my posts for as I want to complete my Goal-setting workshop and continue the Stress forum with Sheila.

I have landed the biggest, most challenging and best garden design project to date. I'm excited and scared to death.

Anyway, I digress.

Your Question Kim

How has your view of Love (of all kinds) been shaped by your life experiences?

Life has taught me that love is totally beyond describing.

Every time that I have tried to offer an example of love somebody has bettered it.

A point that I have made is that mostly love is given for the feelings that we get in return. Returned love is the greatest feeling on earth.

We are basically selfish animals, however, that is ok. It is fine to seek personal satisfaction, reward or recognition, as long as it is not at the expense of others. It's not that simple however. If I buy a present for a granddaughter I LOVE to see their face when they get what they want, I love the fuzzy feeling that I get when I see that, BUT, there is more and I can't describe what.

If (as an example) a snake was to trap one of my family in a corner I hope that I would act selflessly. If there was time to work out a solution I would probably do that BUT if the snake attacked I am sure that I would interveen without thinking about it. Why? Love?

In reply to your question.

Life has taught me to expect love in any situation from anybody without prior warning or reason. Love is the greatest gift that we have been given and we all (mostly) have unlimited supplies. It is up to us when we use it and how.

I could get deeper and more specific but this will do for now.



Kim Stilwell

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Re: Adland Friends Remembered - 2009
4/18/2009 1:31:30 PM
Oh Roger, You go on and do what you have to do and don't overwhelm yourself. It may be a good time to just do the most necessary things! I can understand how overwhelming life can get and to me the older I am the less I thrive in being overwhelmed! I am going to pray that God will glide you through it all with far greater ease than you imagine could be, and by golly I know he will do it! How amazing that a person should say they "expect" so much love. Many people would not. Maybe we get what we expect? Maybe our actions and ways have more to do with the responses of others than we always realize or admit? Ok Amanda, You love something you can dig your teeth into...ha ha!!! That killed me! Can I throw you a steak? ha ha! Just kidding; that cracked me up. No, instead let's see if I can take us into deeper water.... Think on these basis: Way back into your childhood, the natural needs a person has even as a growing child, for Love (acceptance, the development of self-esteem, "relationship" from both Mom & Dad, approval that they are ok and worthy etc., etc..). Remember this: When a child's relationship early on to mom and dad doesn't meet basic needs for love and security, or even if they do, children adapt certain attachment styles "in response." For example, if the child has learned that Mom meets their interior security and love so they know they can expect it all the time, they often grow up secure. But when a child for whatever reasons doesn't always feel mom is there (this can be emotionally, mentally, as well as physically) they may develop and 'avoidant' or ambivalent attachment to mom. So when Mom comes back to pick them up from Daycare, instead of running to her the child is avoidant, as if the child is saying, I've learned to cope without you, or, Mom, do you care to come and get me really out of this abandaoned place I feel. Or the child may be ambivalent; they may sometimes run and cling to Mom and other times act like they don't care that she's arrived. To make it more clear, we carry these attachment styles into adulthood. Now we are reacting with these ways in adult relationships. Even see or do these things?...After your spouse has gone somewhere, when you didn't want them to leave you, they come back and you or someone else acts cold and distant? Or the person clings to them. It's out of our unmet needs we've accumulated in life that we end up with personality styles. So as Roger said, we really do often love for the sake of receiving back the filling of some needs we have, which may not be totally conscous to us! I had no relationship with my dad! Actually I had an almost paralyzing fear, not of him, but of being alone with him, very similar to the nervousness you feel around a boy you have a crush on in grade school. As a result, I had a boyfriend always since first grade! I was never without a boyfriend. I also had some promiscuity problems as a high teen and trouble as a young adult. I can see where my self esteem problems came from. I was always trying to be something great in my dad's eyes. Trying to win his love probably. Much of my way or ideas of love back then were to gain acceptance and approval I think. Get the idea? Roger was right; we really do have ulterior and even unconscious motives for how we react and respond with people. We can't help it; people try to get their needs met even when they don't conscoulsy recognize what they are! I have alot to talk about if we can roll the ball! I'm in Psych classes and learning some fascinating things. I have changed my long term goal to Psychoanalyst after I "found" myself in that field. I have learned some awesome things...but they come out of me when people give me something to work with! ha ha! what can you share? Kim

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