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Hafiz 2013

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RE: Just Joke!!
7/2/2013 8:32:42 AM
Never underestimate the power of a WOMAN!

The Rope

There was 11 people hanging onto a rope on the underside of a helicopter. Ten men and one women.

They all decided that one person should get off because if they didnt the rope would BREAK and everyone would die.They couldnt decide who should go

So finally the women gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others. Because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children giving into men and not receiving anything in return.

When she finished speaking all the men clapped.
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Hafiz 2013

226
791 Posts
791
Invite Me as a Friend
RE: Just Joke!!
7/2/2013 8:41:39 AM
Before and after marriage

BEFORE MARRIAGE:

Husband - Aaah! ...At last! I can hardly wait!

Wife - Do you want me to leave?

Husband - No! Don't even think about it.

Wife - Do you love me?

Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!

Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?

Husband - No! Why are you even asking?

Wife - Will you kiss me?

Husband - Every chance I get!

Wife - Will you hit me?

Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?!

Wife - Can I trust you?

Husband - Yes.

Wife - Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top.
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Hafiz 2013

226
791 Posts
791
Invite Me as a Friend
RE: Just Joke!!
7/2/2013 11:48:23 AM
This month nothing!!!
Robert was sitting in a bar looking thoroughly miserable. After a while the customer at the next table said, "Excuse me, but you look really depressed. What's the problem?"


"You may well ask," sighed Robert. "I'll tell you what the problem is. My mother died in March and left me 10,000 dollars."

"Gee, thats tough," said the customer sympathetically.

"Then in April," continued Robert, "my father died, leaving me 50,000 dollars."

"Im real sorry to hear that," said the customer. "Losing two parents in two months - no wonder youre depressed."

"And last month, added Robert, "my aunt died left me 15,000 dollars."

The customer shook his head in pity: "How terrible! Three close family members lost in three months!"

"Then this month, said Robert, "Nothing."
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Hafiz 2013

226
791 Posts
791
Invite Me as a Friend
RE: Just Joke!!
7/3/2013 6:26:57 AM
Poor husband!!
One man was from England, one from France and one from Canada. They got acquainted and started talking about their wives. The guy from England began by saying: "I told my wife in no uncertain terms that from now on she would have to do her own cooking. Well, the first day after I told her, I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But on the third day when I came home from work, the table was set, a wonderful dinner was prepared... and even dessert."


Then the man from France spoke up: "I sat my wife down and told her that from now on she would have to do her own shopping, and also do the cleaning. The first day I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But on the third day when I came home, the whole house was spotless, and in the pantry the shelves were filled with groceries.

The fellow from Canada was married to an enlightened woman from the prairies... He sat up straight, pushed out his chest and said: "I gave my wife a stern look and told her that from now on she would have to do the cooking, shopping and housecleaning. Well the first day I saw nothing. The second day I still saw nothing. But on the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye.
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Hafiz 2013

226
791 Posts
791
Invite Me as a Friend
RE: Just Joke!!
7/3/2013 1:36:48 PM
I take my job seriously

Father Joseph went up to Father Fred one afternoon and said, "I am SICK of all this clean living. Tonight let's you and me go out and party. We'll carouse, drink, whatever we want."

Fred was shocked. "Are you crazy? This is a small town and everyone knows us. Besides, even if they didn't, they would see our clothes and know we were priests."

Joe was ready for this. "Don't be silly. We won't stay in town, we'll go into the city where nobody knows us, and we'll dress just like anyone else."

In the end, he managed to persuade Fred, and they went out that night and partied like professionals. When they got back home at 5:00 AM, Fred's face became pale. "I just thought of something," he said. "We have to confess this."

Again, Joe was ready. "Relax, I told you, I thought this all out in advance. Tomorrow, you go into church and into the confessional. I will come in my regular clothes and confess, and you absolve me. Then I go put on my garments, you come in and confess, and I'll absolve you."

Fred was amazed at Joe's brilliance. And so, Joseph went in later that morning and said, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned. My friend and I, we're both young men, and last night we went out and caroused. We became drunk, had carnal knowledge of prostitutes, used foul language, danced to wicked music."

Fred answered, "God is patient and forgiving, and thus shall I be. Do 5 "Our Father's" and 5 "Hail Mary's" and you will be absolved of your sin.

A while later, their places were reversed as Fred came in and confessed everything in detail. There was a short pause, and Joseph answered, "I don't believe this. And you DARE to call yourself a priest? You will do 500 "Our Father's," 500 "Hail Mary's," donate all your money for the next month to the church, and go around the church 500 times on your knees praying for God's forgiveness. Then come back and we'll discuss absolution, but I make no guarantees."

"WHAT??!!" Father Fred was shocked. "What about our agreement??"

Joe replied, "Hey, what I do on my time off is one thing, but I take my job seriously."
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