Once again it's... um... uh... oh, yeah... time for the Friday file... is it Friday yet? Or is that over? Oh, dear...
What has four legs and one arm? A happy pit bull.
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Jimmy and Kathy are newlyweds in the honeymoon suite on their wedding night, and Kathy's in the bathrom.
As Jimmy's getting undressed he says to himself, "How am I going to tell her? How am I going to tell my new wife that I have the world's smelliest feet?" Then he throws his socks under the bed.
Kathy walks out of the bathroom, and, too chicken to face her, Jimmy runs past her and *he* goes into the bathroom.
Kathy sits on the edge of the bed and says to herself, "How am I going to tell him? How am I going to tell my new husband that I have the world's worst breath? I've got to tell him."
Just then Jimmy walks out of the bathroom. Kathy runs up to him, gives him a huge wet kiss, pulls back and says, "Honey, I've got to tell you something."
Jimmy says, "Yeah, I know. You just ate my socks."
Yuck....!!
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This one is especially for my very good friend, Branka:
Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they're all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They're each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them.
The first guy asks for a big stack of books.
The second guy asks for his wife.
The third guy asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes.
At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guy's cell. He comes out and says, "I studied so hard. I'm so bright now, I could be a lawyer. It was terrific."
They open up the second guy's door. He comes out with his wife, and they've got five new kids. He says. "It was the greatest thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a beautiful new family. I love it."
They open up the third guy's door, and he's slapping at his pockets, going "Anybody got a match?"
(Oh.... that would be cruel...)
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Have a terrific week, everybody!
Dave