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Dave Cottrell

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RE: I Had Amnesia Once... The Friday File
5/12/2013 2:53:25 AM
Quote:
o m g

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

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All are great Dave, thanks.

I have (really) similar experience to this one with Freudian slip ... hahaha, I am still blushing when this pops on my mind. It was in 1983 and I worked as an agent with some MD experts ... and was very compassionate to one very ill and strikingly fat lady, and did a big efforts to help her to get some papers (approvals) in shortest possible time. Her sure name was Kramarić and her name was Slavica ... Running a few circles around all doctors (and it was heat), I got dizzy, and when finally have done all, last was to address approval to this lady. Oh my!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I misspelled her name, and the way I wrote it was a sad description of her state.

Instead Kramarić I wrote Kravarić (krava = cow, and poor woman really was a cow-like) and in her first name instead Slavica (Gloria), I wrote Slamica (diminutive of straw, cow food).

See how 2 "m" and 2 "v", accidentally put in wrong place, can destroy one greatly generous job, best intended, of course.



Hahahahaha! Branka, you're killing me! Oh, my... I can imagine. Oh, dear. I think we have all done this at some time. Out loud it is called 'putting your foot in your mouth'
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Branka Babic

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RE: I Had Amnesia Once... The Friday File
5/19/2013 10:58:19 AM
'putting your foot in your mouth' - without being a gummy-yogin :( .
I don't like phones, and when I finally decided to rent-a-life to neurosis called cell phone, whole Belgrade already had it.
I was on very important meeting, one among 40 serious VIP guys and gals (where only I wasn't VIP). At once, very culture (scientific) atmosphere was broken by the ringing tone. When it repeated 3rd time, I thought: "OMG what a fool! Why doesn't he/she switch the phone off !?!"
..................

It lasted until I finally have located where this sound comes from.
My last client accidentally took her bag instead of mine (they were alike, we left my office together).
I wished all others could be caught up by amnesia.
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Hafiz 2013

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RE: I Had Amnesia Once... The Friday File
5/19/2013 11:26:57 AM
It is really interesting collection. great job Dave. I put it as my favourite one
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Dave Cottrell

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RE: I Had Amnesia Once... The Friday File
5/22/2013 1:41:39 AM
Friday is really late, this week... or is that last week? Or am I early for next week? Oh, my... Anyway, people talk about dying sometimes and it can get really interesting. As for me, I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers...

Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He
screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets real quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad you’re drunk."

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung
out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I
looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin
was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had
this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can
tell you that there's nothing wrong with your eyesight....”

Oh, dear....

Have a terrific week everybody... what's left of it!

Dave

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Dave Cottrell

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RE: I Had Amnesia Once... The Friday File
5/27/2013 4:27:09 PM
Once again, it's time for the Friday File! Ok, it's Monday, but somehow, "The Monday File" does not sound anywhere near as good as "The Friday File!"

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On a serious note, once again the Canadians have inflicted serious damage in the USA. The last time, I think, was when they burned the White House down, during the War of 1812, and of course, it wasn't white until AFTER it was burned, as they whitewashed it after rebuilding to cover up the charred wood... Well now, a driver from Alberta, Canada, has taken out an Interstate bridge over the Skagit river near Mount Vernon, Washington. Fortunately, no one was seriously injured, but it's going to be really inconvenient to go down to Mariners games in Seattle for a while.
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Theater Seats For Seniors

An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The old man just groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Once again, the old man just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success. Finally they summoned the police.
The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?"

" Frank Orlowski ," the old man moaned.

"Where ya from, Frank ?" asked the police officer.
With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Frank replied, "The balcony."

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A guy goes on a business trip and he has to take his secretary with him, and she's really crazy about him. The first night on the Amtrak, she's in the top bunk and he's in the bottom bunk.

She says, "Mr. Forsythe! Mr. Forsythe! I'm chilly! I think I need a blanket!"

He says, "Miss Schmitt, how'd you like to pretend you're Mrs. Forsythe for a little while?"

She says, "Oh, I'd like that."

He says, "Then get you own darn blanket."
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A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!"

The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?"

He says, "No! This is her husband!"
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Enjoy your week. May there always be sunshine in your heart, even if it's raining outside.

Dave
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