Dearest Alain-

Thank you for this forum, and the wonderful discussions that have ensued!

Hugs,

JeanMarie

JeanMarie,
Thank you for sharing your story and I can only imagine
how much strength it did take to hold your feelings in check
to respond to this man rather than react.  I really applaud
you that you were able to do this, as I know that I am
suppose to respond to hurtful speech yet in the heat of the
moment I always seem to react which only 'fuels the flames'

In the printed word I am able to respond because I can get
up and away from the source and think about my response
whereby when it is spoken it is a different matter for me.
When it has been someone that is not close to me, it can be
a matter of 'water off a ducks back' and I can let it go, unless
it said about a friend or family member - it seems the closer
the person to you the harder to just let it slide.  I still have
work to be done and just as well I am a 'work in progress'

I am also reflecting on: He felt it his "duty" to tell us that we were "wrong" for trying to raise funds for breast cancer research.  He continued to relay how it is a "sign from God" that women stricken are "bad and evil" and this is their "punishment"....

I remember saying to my girlfriend (of my poem) she had
recently separated from her husband so was hurting from
the things he was doing to her still.  The house she bought
was in a set of homes in a private driveway and all close
together.  One her neighbours was often coming over to
complain to her about something or other (he was well
known in our town to be a grumpy guy, and extremely controlling of his wife on where she goes, who with etc) and he had recently been diagnosed with some sort of cancer.
My friend and I had always talked open and honestly and sometimes possibly quite rudely about someone, yet we
seemed to know that it was under the circumstance at the
time of our voicing.  Anyway, this particular day her neighbour
was in the driveway when we drove up from shopping and I
was going to spend more time with her inside.  This neighbour
barked at her to park her car in a specific manner (they each
had their spots under the carport).  I said to my friend when he had gone inside 'no wonder he had cancer with his bitter
personality'  Well my friend just rounded on me and retorted
and said 'did she deserve to have cancer' (she had a kidney
removed in her early 20s from cancer that had resulted from
a very bad fall off her horse and was undiscovered until she
nearly died from it bursting)
I was astonished and deeply hurt with her reaction because I was not even thinking about her past cancer nor was I suggesting she was bitter - but speaking of what the bible
tells us that we can become ill from bitterness unreleased
and unforgiveness.  This was one of the straws that began to
break the camels back.

Amanda

Respect Each Other and Don't Belittle

Dearest Amanda-

As humans, I have found that the hardest skill for me to master was to learn to refrain from replying till my brain had time to catch-up to my mouth, LOL!

Often, what is stated in an off-handed manner, with little or no intent behind it, is what can inflict the most pain, especially to those we love the most. It is often what will tarnish one's respect for another.

My staff will be more than happy to relay that one of my favorite sayings is,

"when the hole is deep enough, one must learn to put the shovel down".

I cannot begin to tell you how many times in my younger years that my flippant, off-the-cuff remarks caused emotional injury to those close to me.

Thankfully & fortunately, in my years before the need for hair color, a fantastic mentor held up the "mirror" and objectively and kindly showed me the error of my immature and disrespectful approach.  This wonderful person took the time and had the patience, to help me work on my communication skills and methods of implementing diplomacy. 

My ability to comprehend this flaw in my character, and my desire to improve my communication skills enabled me to embrace and effect change.  It took many years, and I still, to this day, reflect and attempt to improve on those skills. This is what builds my self-respect. 

When all is said & done, we each must realize our own limitations, our own abilities, and do everything to utilize our skills to their fullest potential.  That's the best any of us can do.We need to respect each other enough to realize that none of us is perfect...  we all have "bad days"...

That's where friends come in...  they are the sunshine that warms your soul on the coldest, grayest day!

We can't turn back time, we can't relive those moments where mistakes were made.  However, we can learn from them, adapt & grow, and be a better person tomorrow than we were yesterday.

One day at a time.....

Hugs always,

JeanMarie

Hi Jean Marie,
Greetings!
I have to say what you wrote when it comes to respect is the part about honesty.

We tend to think we give respect even with white lies but those lies is a good action of disrespectfulness.

This is a good share Jean Marie.  Love it.

Rinna