Hello Michael,
You have written a very probing and sensitive piece here and I thank you.
I have thought hard as to whether I try to respond honestly and risk being misunderstood. I have decided to do so, but briefly.
I have read and enjoyed, not only your poetry but sensed your, feelings, compassion and understanding that they project.
Project is an important word here. Like it or not WE ARE and WE DO make our opinions of people by many means INCLUDING appearance.
You MAY choose to look the way you do. If that's the case then you have a reason even if you don't know what it is.
There are many, no most, of us who are projecting different things to different folk, sometimes without knowing. If I put a word wrong here you might forever judge me as being insensitive, that's how it is.
There is no excuse for bad manners or cruelty at anytime and particularly based purely upon appearance.
I accept that if I walk into an auto dealership dressed like a tramp (hobo there I think), I expect to be treated like a human being, with respect, time and understanding But, even if I have a million dollars cash in my pocket the guy is probably going to think that I'm wasting his time at best. Of course it might be my reason that I WANT TO MAKE A STATEMENT but that's my responsibility too.
A number of years ago I visited the USA and was travelling down the West coast by train. I arrived in a City at about 6 in the evening. Having settled into my room at the hotel I suggested to my friend that we might go and buy a few travel essentials locally. We left the hotel in our smart business clothes (Due at a meeting later) and walked, not knowing, away from town through an increasingly poorer looking neighbourhood, quiet but scruffy.
We arrived at a local supermarket where we had to risk our life passing a tied up German Shepherd dog to get into the entrance.
We found our goods and went to buy them but as soon as our clothes and, even more so, our English accents were noticed, we became centre of attraction. Most attention was friendly but the store owner asked us where our car was. We told him that we had walked there and he said ,
'By now your presence, as rich guys, is known two miles away. Go back now and be careful' ooooooooh that walk back to the hotel.
They assumed that we were rich, they assumed that we were not streetwise and they assumed that we were probably pretty stupid. WRONG, we were travelling with a disabled guy as his carers, we were there because people had raised money for him and thirdly we weren't stupid we just didn't ask the right questions before doing something in another country.
The point here is IF I HAD KNOWN THE EFFECT OF MY IMAGE BEFORE I went there to shop my clothes and my confident projection would have been low key. Although I didn't deserve the discomfort I did place myself in that position.
We have to remember the image that we put out WILL be read and if we get the wrong reading over a long period of time WE HAVE GOT IT WRONG, unless of course, we WANT TO MAKE A POINT.
You are, I know, a lovely man. Be what you are happy with and work to change what you are not. Advice for all.
Roger