Hello My Friends,
Thought that you might like to end you Weekend with a Smile...
Crying
An old man was walking down the street when he saw a smallboy sitting on the curb crying.
He stopped and asked, "Little boy, why are you crying?"
The little boy lifted his tear-stained face to the man and mumbled, "I'm crying because I can't do what the big boys do."
So the old man sat beside him and cried, too.
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Criminal Lawyer
A man walks into the local Chamber of Commerce of a small town, obviously desperate.
Seeing a man at the counter, the stranger asks, "Is there a criminal lawyer in town?"
To which the man behind the counter immediately quips, "Yes, but we haven't been able to prove it yet!"
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Football Signals
A three-year-old regularly watched football games with his father. So much so in fact that he knew almost all of the signals the referee makes.
On a recent Sunday, the three-year-old attended church with the family.
Unfortunately, as the pastor raised his hands high to offer a blessing, the child interrupted the service by shouting, "Touchdown!"
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Finally, speaking of Football, here are a few of my favorite Football player jokes...
Duh!!!
How do you get a former Ohio State football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
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An Alabama fan and a Tennessee fan, fighting side-by-side, were captured during World War II and sentenced to die by firing squad. The enemy commander asked the Tennessee fan if he had any last requests. The Vol said, "I want to hear Rocky Top one last time."
The Bama fan was then asked if he had any last requests. "Yes, shoot me first!"
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A man is sitting at a park bench when another man sits next to him and they engage in conversation. Shortly after, the second man says, "So, I bet you're a Texas fan."
The first man says enthusiastically, "Why, yes I am. How did you know? My intelligence? My wit? My good looks?"
The second fellow says, "No. I saw your class ring when you were picking your nose."
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What does the average Florida State player get on his SATs?
Drool.
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How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?
Tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
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How many Pitt football players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. And they each get three credits.
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University of South Carolina Coach Steve Spurrier comes into the locker room before practice and says to his star receiver, "You're failing math. If you don't want to become academically ineligible, you'll have to answer these math questions correctly."
The star receiver agrees and Spurrier asks him, "What does 4 plus 4 equal?"
"Eleven," says the athlete.
The rest of the team pleads, "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
Spurrier then asks, "What does 2 plus 2 equal?"
The receiver says, "Four."
The rest of the team yells, "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
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How many Florida freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a sophomore course.
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What are the longest three years of a Florida State football player's life?
His Freshman year.
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If you are driving and see a Miami football player riding a bicycle, why should you take great care in not hitting him?
It could be your bike.
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A man asks his friend, "Did you hear about the 22-year-old babe who married the 93-year-old Alabama booster? It was a
football wedding."
The friend says, "A football wedding?"
"Yeah, she's waiting for him to kick off."
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The Notre Dame fan was complaining to his friend about his wife. He said, "My wife thinks I put the Fighting Irish ahead of our marriage.
I disagree. We just celebrated our fourth season together.
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How did the Georgia football player die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on him.
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Did you hear about the Florida State kicker who tried to throw himself on the floor in a fit of rage?
He missed.
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Two West Virginia football players were walking in the woods. One of them said, "Look, a dead bird."
The other looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"
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A Clemson football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death.
Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.
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What do you say to an Ohio State football player dressed in a three-piece suit?
Will the defendant please rise.
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If three Florida State football players are in a car, who is driving?
The police officer.
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And finally, my favorite, favorite...
Alabama football coach Nick Saban asked the freshman walk-on hopeful if he could tackle.
The kid said, "Yes, sir coach, I can tackle."
The coach then asked, "Well, can you run?"
The kid said, "Yes, sir coach, I can run very fast."
Saban then said, "Can you pass a football?"
The kid thought for a second and said, "Well, coach, if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
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Have A Happy Week & Keep Smiling,
Phil