Thanks Ladies, for stopping by to share a few laughs. Golf can be funny sometimes, so here's a few stories that I've aways liked.

10 Years On A Deserted Island

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!", he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"

He replies, "Ten years!"

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"

Then she starts unzipping a longer zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some real fun?"

And the man replies, "Wow! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there!"

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I Did All Of That!

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"

"Yes," the golfer responded.

"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?"

"Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked.

"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"

The golfer thought it over carefully and responded...

"I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."

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An Amazing Golf Ball

A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"

The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"

"It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!"

"Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?"

"No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it."

"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"

"Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed."

"Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"

"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!"

The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?"

"I found it."

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A Really Bad Day

A very bad golfer is playing at new course and he is having a very bad day.

He is on the 18th hole, and he see's a lake.

He says to his caddy "I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake".

The caddy says" I don't think you can, you can't keep your head down that long.

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He Just Couldn't Carch A Break

Lady Luck was seldom kind to Sam. Although Sam had a real zest for life he was constantly beset by bad luck.

He loved poker but poker did not love him; he played the stock market with great anticipation but always seemed to be the one who bought high and sold low.

His life seemed to be full of more downs than ups.

His greatest delight was his golf game. Not that Sam was a great golfer; in fact, he never managed to break 100, but the odd shot that somehow ended up in the general area he had in mind was enough to keep his hopes alive.

Finally Sam became ill and passed away. But just before he died, he asked that his remains be cremated and his ashes be scattered just off the fairway on the ninth hole of his home course.

Accordingly, a gathering assembled to carry out Sam's wishes. It was a bright sunny day and was going well. Then, as the ashes were being strewn, wouldn't you know it .... a gust of wind came up and ... blew Sam out of bounds.

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Have A Happy Weekend,

Phil

Hello Friends,

Cheryl, thanks for stopping by to share a laugh or two. Golf is still my favorite Game to play whenever I can, so here's a few more Chuckles fromthe Links

The Perfect Shot

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts.

Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the heck is taking so long" Hit the darned ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Give me a break! No matter how hard you try, you don't stand a snowball's chance of hitting her from here."

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The Gorilla's Revenge

The pro at the country club was rude. When he beat you on the golf course he not only took your money he then told you everything you did wrong and suggested that you would never be able to hit the ball out of your own shadow. One of the members had enough, so he bought a gorilla and trained it to play golf. He then set up a game with the pro--$1000 a side with automatics.

The day of the match arrived and all parties were ready. The first hole was a par five of 575 yards. The pro teed off splitting the fairway some 270 yards out.

The gorilla lumbered up to the tee. Placed the ball on the ground and made a mighty swing. The ball rocketed off the clubface 100, 200, 300, 400, 500, 575 yards and stopped 5 inches from the cup.

The pro just about fell out of his pants. If this was an indication of the way things were going to go then he would never live it down. He immediately settled the bet, remembering that he had urgent business across town.

As they walked from the tee the pro asked, " By the way, how does he putt?"

The same as he drives, 575 yards, was the answer

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Couldn't Get Over The Water

These two couples play golf together regularly at their club, and on the sixth hole, a par four, the second shot to the green must carry 80 yards over water. One of the women, Mrs. Smith, for over a year, could never carry the water, and would always hit into it, totally psyched out by the presence of the water.

Her friend in the group suggested that she might want to see a hynotherapist as rumor was that that could be of help in such a situation.

So the woman went to a hypnotherapist for four sessions. In those sessions, the woman was hypnotized and the therapist would "plant suggestions" that when playing the second shot on the sixth hole, she would not see water, but rather a plush green fairway leading all the way up to the green.

About six months later, someone at the club asked whatever happened to Mrs. Smith, that she hadn't seen Mrs. Smith playing golf at the club for almost four months now.

She was informed that five months earlier, Mrs. Smith had drowned at the par four sixth!

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It's Called Golf!

The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf.

Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players!

Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.

The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often..

There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly ... or start cheating.

An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice ... once before swinging, and once again, after swinging.

Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize or laugh.

Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.

Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words were taken.

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And finally, a Poetic Tribute..

Ode To Golf Poem

In my hand I hold a ball

White and dimpled, rather small

Oh, how bland it does appear,

This harmless looking little sphere.

By his size I could not guess

The awesome strength it does possess;

My life has not been quite the same

Since I chose to play this game.

It rules my mind for hours on end.

A fortune it has made me spend.

It has made me curse and cry

I hate myself and want to die

I am promised a thing called ‘par’

If I can hit it straight and far.

To master such a tiny ball

Should not be very hard at all.

But my desires the ball refuses

And does exactly as it chooses

It hooks and slices, dribbles, dies

and disappears before my eyes.

Often it will have a whim

To hit a tree or take a swim.

With miles of grass on which to land

It finds a tiny patch of sand.

Then has me offering up my soul

If it will just drop in the hole.

Its made me whimper like a pup,

and swear that I will give it up

And take to drink to ease my sorrow.

But “The Ball” knows...

I’ll be back...tomorrow.

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Have A Great Monday My Friends

Phil