Hi Phil,
Thanks for all the fun, laughter and warm reception.
Blessings to you and yours my friend..

Hi Sam & Tommy,

Thank You both for stopping by, and Tommy, those Cats are adorable. Here's just a few more to help us through the rest of the Weekend...

Caught Speeding By A Cop

The cop got out of his car and the kid that was stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said."

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way -- WITHOUT A TICKET!

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Split Pea Soup

A man walked into a diner, and he sits down. The waitress comes up to him and says the special for today is Split Pea Soup. And boy does the man love split pea soup. So he orders a bowl.

The waitress says "Sorry sir, but I just served our last bowl to that guy over there."

Noticing the man's plight, the other man says "Here, you can have it, I don't need it."

The first man accepts it and thanks the other man. So the man starts digging into the soup and its the best soup he's ever had. After a little bit, he sees a mouse in his soup and throws up.

The other man says "Yeah, I got that far too, just before I threw up."

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High-Tech Grocery Store

A new super high tech grocery store recently opened in Orlando, Florida.

It has the standard automatic water misters to keep the produce fresh, but just before it mists, one hears the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When one passes the diary freezer, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

Going in the meat department one can smell the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and barbecued ribs.

When you pass the fresh eggs case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of morning eggs and bacon.

In the bread department, a tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and soft warm rolls.

But, I must warn you about one thing though. I don't buy my toilet paper there any more.

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At The Dog Park

At the dog park, this elderly lady had two rather large rottweiler dogs.

On being asked the dogs' names by another park visitor she replied "One is called Timex and the other Rolex."

Wow, them's some strange names for dogs the visitor replied.

Oh no, the elderly lady dog owner replied "They're watch dogs"

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Have A Happy Week My Friends,

Phil

Hello My Friends,

Hope your Monday has gone well. Here's a few Smiles to keep you going...

The Blind Man

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

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Marriage!

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am."

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5:00am; wake up."

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Redneck Vacation

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn't get pregnant again."

Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earline with me."

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True Sports Fan

A guy named Joe receives a free ticket to the SuperBowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Joe arrives at the stadium, he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium, he's closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his binoculars an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yardline.

He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, Joe asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"

The man says "No."

Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Joe again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the SuperBowl and not use it?!"

The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first SuperBowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1967."

"Well, that's really sad," said Joe, "but still, you couldn't find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close relative?" "No," the man replies, "They're all at the funeral."

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Have A Great Week,

Phil

Hello Friends,

Well, we're halfway to the Weekend. Here's a few to get everyone over the Hump!

Liberal Teacher W/Atheist Tendencies

A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too.

Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not an atheist."

Then, asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a Christian."

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian.

"Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, and I am a Christian."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly.

"What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

She paused, and smiled.

"Then," says Lucy, "I'd be an atheist."

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A Classic Salesman

A man came into a shop with a 'Salesman Wanted' sign in a window.

He went up to the owner and said, "I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b."

"I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment," said the owner.

"I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k-kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi-thi-this j-j-job!" said the man.

"O.K. Here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them." said the owner.

So the man went out and came back an hour later. "H-here-sss your m-m-money." said the man.

The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles and sent him out.

The man came back in two hours and said, "Her-ers y-yooour m-m-money."

The owner said, "This is fantastic. You sold more Bibles in three hours than anyone else has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?"

"W-welllll," said the man, "I r-r-ring the d-door bell, a-a-and s-s-say 'H-Hel-Hello, M-m-maaaaddam, d-d-do you w-w-want t-t t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m'me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you?"

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Really Weird Conversation

Leaving Montreal, I decided to stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road.

I go into the washroom. The first stall is taken, so I go into the second stall. I had just sat down when I hear a voice from the other stall............

Hi there, how is it going?

Okay, I am not the type to strike up conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to say, so finally I say: Not bad............

Then the voice says: So, what are you doing?

I am starting to find this a bit weird, but I say: Well, I'm going back east...............

Then I hear the person, all flustered, say: Look, I'll call you back -- every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me!!!

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Why, Oh Why?

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”

The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”

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Murphy's Lesser Known Laws

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog

The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

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Have A Wonderful Evening,

Phil