The Harsh Truth
Recently I went to the doctor for my annual physical.
The nurse asked me how much I weighed. I told her 135 pounds. Then she weighed me and the scale said 160.
Next, she asked me how tall I was. I said, "5 feet, 5 inches." She measured me and I was only 5 feet, 3 inches.
So she took my blood pressure and told me it was high.
"Of course it's high," I said. "When I came in here I was tall and slender. Now I'm short and fat!"
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What'd She Say?
Did you hear about the 83 year old woman who talked herself out of a speeding ticket by telling the young officer that she had to get there before she forgot where she was going.
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Memories ???
If you ever find yourself looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old?", then you'll love this one!
I was sitting in the waiting room of my new dentist. It was my first appointment. I noticed his diploma on the wall, which had his full name.
Suddenly, I recalled a tall, dark haired, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class nearly 50 years ago. Could this be the same boy I had a secret crush on, way back then?
When I saw him, however, I quickly discarded that thought. This gray haired, balding man with the deeply wrinkled face was way too old to have been my classmate. Hmmm! Or could he?
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Northampton High School.
"Yes, I did!" he said. "I'm a Konkrete Kid." He gleamed with pride.
"What year did you graduate?" I asked.
"In 1959," he said. "Why do you ask?"
"I was in your class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, wrinkled, old, fat, bald, gray, decrepit SOB asked, "What did you teach?"
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Just Like A Newborn Baby
Two old guys were sitting under a tree, watching the sun go down. One says, "You know, I'm 84 years old and my body is full of aches and pains. You're about my age. How do you feel?"
The other guy says, "Oh, I feel like a newborn baby."
"Really," says the first guy.
"Yep," says the second one. "No teeth, no hair and I think I just wet my pants."
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Wrong Patient
According to hospital regulations, patients are required to be escorted out in a wheelchair when being discharged. A student nurse was having some trouble with an elderly gentleman who insisted that he did not need a wheelchair. After some discussion about rules being rules, he reluctantly agreed.
As she was wheeling him out, the student nurse asked the man if his wife was going to pick him up.
"I don't know," he replied. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.
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Have A Great Week My Friend,
Phil