Okay, I'm hooked......
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher; "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Ok, lady, stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in to the dispatcher - - "Disregard," he says. "She got in the back seat by mistake !!"
*****************************************************************
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One
night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and
pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of
the bath?" The 94-year-old yells back. "I don't know. I'll come
up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses, "Was I going
up the stairs or down?" The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen
table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head
and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood."
She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I
see who's at the door."
****************************************************************
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement
home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with
me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear of the room stands
up and shouts, "an elephant??" Bessie thinks a minute and says,
"Close enough."
****************************************************************
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone
rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on t he news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful."
"Wow!" said Herman, "It's not just ONE car, it's hundreds of them!"
*****************************************************************
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two
gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great!! I would recommend it
very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the
name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"