Hi Karen,
Thanks for the Funny Cartoon. That's A Hoot!
Here's a few that I heard in Church...
For the Sick
A little 9 year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy" she said, " Can we leave now?"
"No." her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Well, then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about 2 minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes," replied the little girl.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy," she replied. "They have a box next to the front door that say 'for the sick.'"
__________
Wonderful Sound
A man's car broke down as he was driving past a beautiful, old monastery. He walked up the drive and knocked on the front door of the monastery. A monk answered, listened to the man's story and graciously invited him to spend the night. The monks fed the man and led him to a tiny chamber in which to sleep.
The man thanked the monks and slept serenely until he was awakened by a strange sound.
The next morning, as the monks repaired his car, he asked about the sound that woke him. The monks said, "We're sorry. We can't tell you about the sound... You're not a monk."
The man was disappointed, but eager to be gone, so he thanked the monks for their kindness and went on his way.
During quiet moments afterward, the man pondered the source of the alluring sound.
Several years later, the man was driving in the same area. He stopped at the monastery on a whim and asked admittance. He explained to the monks that he had so enjoyed his previous stay, he wondered if he might be permitted to spend another night under their peaceful roof.
The monks agreed and the man stayed. Late that night, he heard the sound.
The next morning, he begged the monks to explain the sound. The monks said, "We're sorry. We can't tell you about the sound. You're not a monk."
By now, the man's curiosity had turned to obsession. He decided to give up everything and become a monk if that was the only way to learn about the sound. He informed the monks of his decision and began the long and arduous task of becoming a monk.
Seventeen years later, the man was finally established as a true member of the order. When the celebration ended, he humbly went to the leader of the order and asked to be told the source of the sound. Silently, the old monk led the new monk to a huge wooden door. He opened the door with a golden key. That door swung open to reveal a second door of silver, then a third of gold and so on until they had passed through twelve doors, each more magnificent than the last. The new monk's face was awash with tears of joy as he finally beheld the wondrous source of the mysterious sound he had heard so many years before.
But, I can't tell you what it was. Because-That's right, you guessed it! You're not a monk.
__________
Golf Prayer
A young man is playing golf with a priest. At a short hole the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole son?"
The young man says, "An eight iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."
__________
Stained Glass
A minister tells of his first Sunday in a new parish and of presenting the children's message. It seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each of us is called to help make up the whole picture of life (the life of the community of the faithful). Like the pictures in the windows, it takes many little panels of glass to make the whole picture.
And then he said, "You see each one of you is a little pane." And then pointing to each child, "You're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And..."
It took a few moments before he realized why everyone was laughing so hard.
__________
The New Pastor
A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his community. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it in the door. The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was a notation "Genesis 3:10." Upon opening his Bible to the passage he let out a roar of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 reads: (Pastors note) "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come into him, and will dine with him, and he with me."
Genesis 3:10 reads: "And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked."
__________
Have A Terrific Week,
Phil