Hello My Friends,

It's been real intense lately in the world, and sometimes I think we all just need to take a few minutes and have a laugh or two. Here's a few of my favorite Senior Moments to get us started. Hope that you all might also have a few that you want to share as well. All topics are fair game, just remember, there are often family members that may see some of these, so please keep them PG-Rated, if at all possible.

The Old Mule

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning 'til night she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He plowed a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch.. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again. Complain, nag, complain, nag - it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot. At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. The old farmer said, 'Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement.' And what about the men?' the minister asked. 'They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

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Married Four Times

The local news station was interviewing an 80 year old lady, because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80 and then about her new husband's occupation! "He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40s, and a preacher when in her 60s, and now in her 80s, a funeral director. Astonished, the interviewer looked at her and asked, "Why did you marry four men with such diverse careers?" She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go."

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Bartender, There's a Fly In My Beer:

A millionaire, a hard hat, and an old drunk are at a bar. When they get their beers, they notice a fly in each mug. The millionaire politely asks the bartender for another beer, then proceeds to sip it. The hard hat spills out just enough to get rid of the fly and quaffs the rest. It's now the old drunk's turn. He sticks his hand into the beer, grabs the fly by the wings, and shouts, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"

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Have A Happy Weekend My Friends,

Phil

Thanks Phil, I needed that!!

Sara

Hi Alain,

Thanks for stopping by and thanks for the Cute Cartoons. As they say, CASABO (Come Again Soon And Bring Others).

First, a Little Retirement Planning Advice...

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00. With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

Also, remember as you look forward to your Golden Years...

“As you grow old, you lose interest in sex, your friends drift away and your children often ignore you. There are other advantages of course, but these are the outstanding ones.”

And one final word of Advice...

Warning! - NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES
take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Have A Terrific Weekend,

Phil

Hi Sara,

I'm glad you enjoyed a few laughs. I appreciate you for stopping by and I love the Cute Laughing Kitties.

Here's a few more you might like...

Bad News:

A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news." "Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the elderly patient. The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live." "That's terrible," said the old man. "How can the news possibly be worse?" The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."

Perfect Eyesight:

Arthur is 90 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad that once I’ve hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.” His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.” “That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother’s a hundred and three. He can’t help.” “He may be a hundred and three,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.” So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law. “Did you see the ball?” “Of course I did!” replies the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.” “Where did it go?” asks Arthur. “I don’t remember.”

The Senior Special:

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.
'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'
'Then, I'll have to charge you three dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.
'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.
'YES!!' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

Have A Super Weekend My Friend,

Phil