Thank you, Bill. I accept your heart. And it has been a journey, but the good news is...Jeff has crossed the denial threshold, and I believe this is one of the most important steps we have to deal with if we are going to succeed and stay in recovery...whether we are the afflicted one or the parent. He has accepted 100% that he will have to be on medication for the rest of his life IF in fact he is to have any kind of life at all. And I too have allowed myself to accept this fact that I fought and fought for so long. We both now see the importance of it. This has become a real part of our daily lives. However, we don't dwell on it any more, we just live it the best we can, with what resources are available. But you can bet I am screamin' for more and not just for my son, for all sons and daughters, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers! I also have felt that stigma first hand and it hurt, deeply, but I cannot allow other people's ignorance to keep me down...I can only smile and move on. I know my son is a good person...kind, respectful, helpful, loving, doesn't matter to me that he has a dis-ease. Remember when he was missing last December? In the first 24 hours after I made calls to my network of friends and family, I received 22 calls from people concerned about him. These people didn't care if he had "schizophrenia", he is Jeff, and he is loved by many and this made my heart soar. This is my message of hope...to all who think that it is hopeless, just like I did 8-9 months ago. There is hope and there will be results if we continue to take that hope to the people that make the rules. But oh how I wish I had a magic wand! It is a tough call. You said it...how can we care so much about our pets and do not give the same voice to our children? I have always believed that every child on this earth is the responsibility of every adult on this earth. If you saw a child in danger, would you not try to save them? Why then do people not care when someone has an illness that would kill them if they weren't brought to safety? Whether your child or mine...I would not let your child suffer or die because of my ignorance. My first reaction is to....react. So I do. I talk to everyone about this...I do not care what they think and sometimes I find people who are in the same boat as I am but are afraid to talk to anyone. I have discovered that this dis-ease touches many lives and the statistics are most likely wrong. I believe they are much higher. I discovered I have two neighbors that have close realatives with schizophrenia and it has effected the lives of the whole familiy. A woman who my husband used to work with, has been through hell with her sister for 25 years. Another neighbor's sister finally stabilized at the age of 40 years old (she is now 45) this is the longest she has stayed on her medication and the best help she has had since she was diagnosed at 16 years old. The list goes on...I try to get people involved, but most see it as a hopeless situation and don't do anything. I don't know what the answers are. But I can do my part to try to change people's thinking. For me, it is all I have and someone, everyone, needs to hear me before I give up! Love and Peace, Julia

Hi Bill and Friends, I am so glad that this forum is open. I know myself I have suffered a few mental illness that I NEVER knew were mental illness.. such as Anorexia / Bulimia Nervosa. For those who do not know what they are.. they are 2 deadly eating disorders. When a person feels there is no controll in their lives.. they feel the only thing they can controll IS what goes in or out of their mouths and stomachs. I started Anorexia at age 12 and bulimia at 17. Do I still have the issues?? Yes. Do I still fight very hard everyday to keep it under controll?? Yes. I am in recovery and I am seriously thinking about seeking help. I also was a cutter.. not knowing that too is a mental illness. Yes, I still struggle with the urges, but I have 2 wonderful people in my life whom help me everyday.. Bill (I love you Honey) and my daughter Summer (please come home soon). I started cutting at age 13. I also suffer depression... I have good days and really bad days and or moments. When I say momnets, I mean.. I can be laughing and having a great time.. and then a few minutes later I will be crying and or quiet. I see that I am starting to go into an isolation spin cycle. When I get depressed or feel a li'l low... I just go into a quiet room (normally my bedroom) and just lay there with thoughts about Why do I feel like this. What can I do to change how I am feeling, and what am I going to do to stop it. I really started getting depressed when my daughter was taken from us 3 months and 1 day ago. (March 20th, 2006 at 12 noon she was taken from us... but most of you all know that story). I did see myself using drinking until I got so drunk I had to induce vomiting (bulimia) to get most of the liquer out of my system. I saw a pattern ... and I stopped drinking to get drunk. I used getting drunk as an excuse to get rid of whatever I ate that night. No more of that. I have finally have a direction I want to go in life. I am currently looking at going to College, looking for a job, and having faith to get our daughter home soon. I have 2 things I want to study in college... Psychology and Health/Phys Ed. I am thinking of taking both courses Psychology as a major and Phys/ Health as a minor. I want to work in High School. And I also want to study Sign Language so I can get certified in that as well. I will study that online. I am so greatful tht Bill has been not only a friend to me, but a wonderful man in my life. You know.. I can say this about Bill and not too many others know. Do you see how he is here in Adland?? Helping others?? Finding them help, giving them hope, giving someone a person to trust... well that is exactly how he is at home. How he is here online is the same way he is in person.. and I feel so blessed to see this first hand. A li'l background on Bill and I. I met Bill here in Adland.. I got to see his M.H. forums.. I told him a few thngs I was going through.. not only mntally but personally. And he rescued my daughter and I. We moved in with Bill throught the blessings of the Woman's Help Center. And one thing lead to another and here we are 5 months and counting. We will be celebrating our half way point on July 4th. And let me tell you.. Bill is a man of his words and all of the help he offers. In closing here.. thank you again Bill for all you do here in Adlandpro. You are truely a blessing to all of the lives and peole you touch in here. Turely an Angel from God. Love Ally

Oh my dear Ally! You have been through so many trials and tribulations in your young life! I am so happy to see that you are getting a hold on some things! I wish you all the success in the world! I also commend you for your courage to be so open with your struggles. For myself, it is easy to discuss my son's problems, as I am always looking for answers...but when it comes to me, now that is a different story as my problems don't even compare with Jeff's in my eyes. And he will always come first. I know, you know, how that is. It is wonderful and painful being a mother, no matter how old our kids are. As for your love and commitment to Bill...again, I wish you all the best. And I agree with everything that you have said...he is a wonderful person and his untiring dedication to this cause is extreemly commendable. These MH forums have helped me so much. Before they existed I was pretty lost. Now, I feel very lucky to be able to be a part of them. Even though I don't say a lot at times...I am always learning. You take care of you Ally, or you will not be able to take care of Summer or Bill. Love and Peace, Julia

Hi Julia, Yes I have been through a lot in my lifetime. But I am greatful for all I have faced in my life. From young childhood trama to the present. BUT I see this as a test.. a test to see how or IF I will pass. IF I fail.... I am dead. If I pass I am alive. What has not killed me only made me stronger. And right now..you would think I would be pretty strong.. but in reality.. I have my weak moments. I also see all I have have faced / am facing as a stepping stone and away to reach out to others. That is why I do not mind sharing my story.. yes it may to some sound like a "tear in my beer" "soap opera" "Jerry Springer" type of life, but you know it is real life for me. I feel as long as I keep a sence of humor in my life and a direction, I can face all I have to ... and I know I have a long way to go yet before my life is over... but I look forward to my chalenges. Yes it is easy to talk about other family problems then it is our own, and I did see that it was easy when I was in counceling. they would ask about my family and it was easy to talk about them and my relaionship with them. BUT when it came to talk about me.. I felt there was nothing to talk about. That was the self esteem issue. Now I have self esteem, I believe the reason why my daughter has such high self esteem/ confidence is because SHE was the only person I let allow to look at me in the face and eyes. I feel I helped give my daughter something I never had, I helped her out a lot by loving her, nurturing her and not taking sh*t from anyone. And she will look at you, and tell you what she wants doesn't want, what she thinks of you etc. I too am greatful for the mental health forums,I feel very comfortable talking about my issues and helping others. Bill is not only a blessing to us and his family, but a blessing to people everywhere here reading his forums. You know Bill and I have a bit of an age difference, but you know.. age has nothing to do with love. And I do love him and what he does. I saw his compassion for others and that is what got me lol. Well I have rambled on enough lol... Keep your chin up Julia. I love you and I am here always. Love, Ally

Hello ally And Julia I do thank you both for all of the kind words but it isn't nessesary. What I do isn't all about helping other people. It helps me a lot too. If it weren't for the kind and knowledgable people who have crossed my path in life I might not even be around now. So, I do what I do in part to return to life what life has given me. I used to have quite a problem with low self esteem too. After years and tears of going n and out of treatment and counseling, I finally developed a sense of self worth. I began looking for and doing things that made me feel better about myself. One of these things that helped me feel better about myself was being able to share my experience and knowledge with others. Then, part of my old mindset began to appear again. I was feeling guilty for feeling happy. I was feeling bad for feeling good. I then had to learn that it was OK if what I did for others helped me as well. It took some work but how I finally rid myself of these feelings of guilt was by developing the tis idea. I know this sounds crazy to somw people but actually I have spoken with many other people who have gone through this process too. Anyhow, I got to thinking about my feelings and I realized that if helping others made me feel bad, I most likely wouldn't be doing as much of it. Then I thought about the world if nobody ever helped anybody else. No sharing, no caring. It would be a terrible place to live. So now I realize that better something makes me feel, the more likely I am to do it. If it happens to build a little self esteem along the way, great. Everybody wins. I hope this makes sense to you. It took a long time for me to figure all of this out LOL. Sincerly , Bill