Hello my friends, This is an article for all of my parents. It is for the Domestic Violence. In an attempt to bring more attention to Domestic Violence Awareness Month going on for the month of October coming up. This has honestly been the most gut wrenching article I have ever read, If you are being emotionally, verbally or psychologically abused I hope that you will find help. If you know someone who is being abused and are looking for help for them I am sure you will find wonderful resources through this event. Emotional abuse is one type of abuse that can truly scar your mind and soul forever if you allow it too. It is the one abuse that leaves all of its scars on the inside where they are not visible to the people around you. If you are physically abused or sexually abused the physical hurts heal. The emotional abuse that you endure from these abuses are what is left behind to deal with. I hope that you will find helpful resources from the links that I am including for this article. Emotional abuse comes in many different forms. It can be subtle and hard for others to see. It is a systematic way for an abuser to control their victim. Verbal/Emotional abuse can be both passive and active. Passive abuse would be along the lines of neglect or intentionally withholding love and affection or praise for things that are well done. Active abuse is deliberate humiliation and belittling to hurt feelings and destroy self-worth and self-respect . Either form is just as horrendous. It can also be constant or occasional. It doesn't matter if it is occasional it is still abuse. If you are being emotionally abused but think you are doing a good job of hiding it from your kids, think again. If your children are very young they may not understand what is actually going on, but as they grow they will eventually know what emotional abuse is. They will live it too. They will eventually suffer from this abuse even if they are not direct recipients of it. It appears that emotional abusers will often begin to abuse their own children at some point. The scars of a child who has been emotionally abused are long suffering and can lead to permanant imparement. If you are living with a spouse or intimate partner who is systematically breaking you down by emotional abuse, your children will be affected. The potential for scars on your children's lives is incredibly high. Emotional abuse prepares and conditions a child to expect abuse in their adult lives. This can lead to physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional and verbal abuse for your child as an adult and has just as much potential to lead to the same for their children. Emotional abuse if often a repeated behavior. Please, if you feel that you or someone you care about might be a victim of emotional abuse but you are not sure, check this list. At this site you will also find other information that is helpful. If you assume that you are not being abused because your partner has never actually hit you then you are wrong. If you are being constantly belittled, called bad names, if you cannot express your feelings or things that are bothering you, if you feel obligated to have sex, and your relationship swings wildly between euphoric and hellish, and most importantly if you are afraid of your partner, then you ARE being abused. Are you made to feel that everything that goes wrong in your partner's life is your fault and your responsibility to fix? This a co-dependant lifestyle indicative of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is designed to make the victim feel tremendous guilt, feelings of powerlessness, fear and dependancy. It is a repetitive behavior that uses those feelings to destroy any self-worth and self-respect. These are the very feelings that will lead a victim into believing that there is no way out or no way to make their life better. It is also an easy abuse to imitate which leads me back to the point of our children. They will be affected one way or another. If you feel you must stay in this relationship and survive with your mind, heart and soul intact you will need to learn how to cope. This is not an easy task. You will need to create a web of support. Most likely that web will have to remain somewhat of a secret. If you tell your partner that you have a support system they may go to great lengths to dissolve that support system. They will most likely belittle you for needing the system in the first place. They may begin to control your finances with a tight reign in order to control where you go and when. They may even try to alienate you from any friend or family member they perceive as a threat to their control over you. A support system will be viewed as a threat, thus the reason for keeping it secretive. I am not saying that you should not tell your partner where your going or who you are talking to, just be prepared for an interogation. Have your answers ready and do not allow yourself to be involved in a railroaded conversation where your words will be turned on you. Keep your explanations simple and do not lie. For example, if you are talking with your friend Jane on the phone and you talk about the weather somewhere in the conversation you can tell your partner you were talking about the weather. I know it may not seem like it is right but you must have some support somewhere. If you do not have some place that you can lay out your feelings and discuss them they will eventually lead to physical symptoms. I will be having a series on this topic at a later date coming up in afew weeks,thanks. Many blessings to you all,Kathy Martin Healthy Place-

this is so inportent, kathy, thank you.

Hard subject, but very important. Many of us live in this situation. Thank you for the Forum and making a difference. Your Friend,

Thank you Kathy for thinking of others when you are in the situation you're in now. This is a VERY important subject, even though it is still "hidden" in a lot of communities, thankfully ABUSE of any kind is finally starting to get noticed, not tolerated and people who have suffered are getting free. Some don't. I lived through it myself, got out of it, but I see it a lot in work I do as an Eligibility Worker still. Thank you again for bringing the subject up Kathy.

Hi Kathy, Thank you for inviting me to your forum. I did a search on "verbal abuse" and the first line is the abuser's classic line. "If you only knew how much I love you." Verbal abuse is 1 step closer to physical abuse. I know. I've been there. Thank God I got out before the hitting started. To not be able to talk to my family, or be allowed to have contact with neighbors, to be told I had to stay inside and not allowed outside unless he was with me, to be told that he thought more of his dog than he did of me -- ah, but I did get the very last laugh and what a funny ending to a horrible marriage. The evening before I left him, he told me that he loved his dog more than he cared about me. That was the final straw. For supper the next night, I fixed a very large southern meal -- one of his favorites. He was in the bedroom on his computer (where he practically stayed the entire time). I set the table with candlelight and turned on some soft music, fixed his plate & mine and then I put the dog's food & water dish where I normally sat. I grabbed my plate and iced tea and sat down on the floor where the dog's bowls usually sat and called him to dinner. (I was heartily eating my dinner, and enjoying the heck out of it, because I knew there was fixing to be a major battle!) I wish I had had my camera when he walked into the dining room -- he absolutely roared! "WHAT THE H**L ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE AND WHY IS THE DOG FOOD ON THE TABLE?" Well, the dog -- a chow mix was running around with her little ears perked up and I declare, she would have laughed if she could have! "Well," said I, in the most honeyed dripping voice I could muster, "you think so much of that dog of yours, I think you need to eat with the B****!" Hooo! Did he get ticked off! His plate went flying across the room (and thank goodness I had already decided that I was leaving or I'd have had to clean it up!) He started screaming at me to leave, that he'd had it with me, that I was stupid, etc., etc... So, I finished my dinner with a grin on my face, wiped my mouth and set the plate on the floor for the dog to lick. I know, I could have just as easily put it on the counter, but what the hey, I was leaving, right?! :D YIPEE! The jerk was giving me permission to get out! (Like I needed it?) It took me 1 hour to pack everything I owned into a very small car -- front to back and stuffed to the hilt! I'd already packed most of my stuff before he came home from work anyhow! I'm happy to say that I knew it was time to leave. It took me over a year to get over the mental abuse I suffered at his hands. So, Ladies (and Gents, because some of you go through abuse as well), do get out of your situation -- call a friend and stay with them for a while, or a family member, or someone you feel you can trust. Believe me, there is not one person on this planet who should have to suffer this type of degrading, demeaning, self-esteem blowing, mind-controling behaviour from ANYONE! Kathy, love to you for posting this and getting the message out. It truly is an awful way to live, and they NEVER change. Denise B.