Hi Peter,

Coming back with some more funny after the dark and serious...

Miscellaneous Liberal Quickies - No, Not The Bill Clinton Kind

(A Few Of These Have Been Around The Block Before - Forgive Me)

Question - What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
Answer - A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

Question - What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President?

Answer - A competent liberal President.

Question - Why do the male members of the Kennedy family cry while having sex?

Answer - Mace.

Question - Who was the first liberal Democrat?

Answer - Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going, got there not knowing where he was, left not knowing where he'd been and did it all on borrowed money.

Question - How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer - None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the lightbulb, but more a question of...(blah blah waffle)"

Question - How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer - One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the social, economic, and ethnic communities.

Question - How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer - Two-one to do it and the other to keep the first one's knee from jerking.

Question - How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer - None: They can't remove the old ones since they are already part of the environment.

Question - How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer - They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

Liberals are like seagulls: all they do is squawk, eat crap, and they are protected by the government.

Question - Who was the first liberal Democrat?

Answer - Christopher Columbus. He left not knowing where he was going, got there not knowing where he was, left not knowing where he'd been and did it all on borrowed money.

Q: What do you get when you offer a Liberal a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: How do you confuse a Liberal?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: Why is it good to have a Democrat passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?
A: Elvis has been sighted.

A Democrat died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Democrat? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"

Q: How do you keep a Democrat busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: How do you keep a Liberal busy all day?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to wait in the corner.

Q: What do you call a Democrat with an IQ of 130?
A: A foursome

Q: How do you get a one-armed Liberal out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.

Q: What do you call a basement full of Liberals?
A: A whine cellar.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 Democrats.

Q: What is foreplay for a Democrat?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.

Q: What is the Democrat doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why did the Liberal have blisters on his lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

Q: Why do Liberals work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

A Democrat found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a Republican.

Q: What the difference between a Democrat and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don't know either.

Q: How is a Liberal different from a sewer rat?
A: Some people actually like sewer rats.

Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to walk in the dark.

Q: Why do so many Liberals live in L.A.?
A: It’s the only city that is easy enough for them to spell.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A Democrat parade.

Q: What is it called when a Liberal blows in another Liberal’s ear?
A: Data transfer.

Q: Why don't they let Liberals swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a Democrat.

Q: What's the difference between a Liberal and a sack of manure?
A: The sack.

Q: What's the definition of a Democrat running for Congress for the first time?
A: A mouse trying to become a rat.

Q: What's the difference between God and a Democrat?
A: God knows He's not a Democrat.

Question: What is the difference between Carville and a catfish?
Answer: One’s a scum sucking bottom dweller and ones a fish.

Question: What’s the difference between Carville and a bald monkey?
Answer: A sports jacket.

Question: If you were in a room with Hitler, Mussolini and Carville and you only had two bullets what should you do?
Answer: Shoot Carville twice.

Question: What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and Carville?
Answer: One has a Radio Show and is the most listened to in America and the other is a loud mouth bald liberal looser.

Question: Why can’t liberals find facts?
Answer: They aren’t looking for any.

Question: How do liberals brain cells die?
Answer: Lonely.

Question: How do you confuse a liberal?
Answer: You don’t, they are born that way

Question: If Hillary, Bill and all the liberals are on a sinking ship, who gets saved?
Answer: We do.

Question: What’s the difference between an Iraq terrorist and a liberal?
Answer: The Iraq terrorist makes fewer demands.

Question: What’s the difference between liberals and cow pies?
Answer: Cow pies stop stinking after awhile

Question: Did you hear about the new liberal agenda.
Answer: They got two hands in your front pocket and two in you back pockets.

Question: What’s the definition of a liberal genius?
Answer: A liberal who can count all 50 states.

Question: What do you get when you cross a Jackass with an onion?
Answer: A whinny Liberal.

Question: How is being at a Democrat convention different from being at the circus?
Answer: At the circus the clowns don’t beg and whine at you.

Question: How many Liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: It takes ten, nine to deny that darkness exists and one to hire a Republican to change it.

Question: How much does a Liberal cost?
Answer: Nothing, Liberals have no values.

Question: How many chromosomes does a Liberal have?
Answer: Only 45, they are missing the “Truth Acceptance Chromosome.”

Question: What is the difference between Liberalism and Communism?
Answer: The Communist admit it.

Question: How high can a Liberal’s I-Q go?
Answer: Only as high as the Liberal Spin they receive.

Question: Why do Liberals lie?
Answer: It comes natural

Question: What is a Liberal’s primary “feeling?”
Answer: Envy.

Question: What is a sure way to teach a Liberal to fetch?
Answer: Tie Bill Clinton’s picture to a stick and throw it.

Question: Why do flies fly over Liberals heads?
Answer: They have crap for brains.

Question: How can you tell a group of Liberals?
Answer: They are the ones burning the American Flag.

Question: How can you tell a group of Liberals?
Answer: They are the ones burning the Constitution

Question: What is the difference between a Liberal and a bucket of old cheese?
Answer: The bucket

Question: What is the difference between giving to the poor and giving to Liberals?
Answer: The poor don’t follow you around for three weeks whining for more.

Question: Why did God make Liberal smarter than rats?
Answer: He didn’t.

Question: How do you drown a Liberal?
You paint Bill Clinton’s face at the bottom of a pool.

Question: Why do Liberals like smart women?
Answer: Opposites attract.

Question: Why is it so hard for Liberals to make eye contact?
Answer: Clinton’s rear doesn’t have eyes.

Question: Why is it so hard for Liberals to see?
Answer: There are no lights in Clinton’s rear.

Question: How can you tell between cow pies and Liberals? Answer: You Can’t.

Question: What’s the difference between an Iraq terrorist and a liberal?
Answer: The Iraq terrorist makes fewer demands.

Johnstown, PA (GlossyNews) – Local and state police scouredthe hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animalrights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing ofleather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previouslyreported missing, were discovered by fast food workers “duct taped insideseveral fast food restaurant dumpsters,” according to police officials.

“Something justwent wrong,” said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. “Somethingjust went horribly, horribly, wrong.”

The organizersaid a group of concerned animal rights activist groups, “growing tired ofthrowing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather orfur coats,” decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event “in a hope toshow them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing andmotor bike seats.” “In fact,” said the organizer, “motorcycle gangs are one ofthe biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that welet them know that we disagree with them using it…ergo, they should stop.”

According towitnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960’s era Volkswagenvan and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red coloredwater, simulating blood, and shouting “you’re murderers” to passers by. This,evidently, is when the brouhaha began.

“They peed onme!!!” charged one activist. “They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French,started calling me ‘La Trene’, and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee onme all day!”

“I…I was tryingto show my outrage at a man with a heavy leather jacket, and he…he didn’t evencare. I called him a murderer, and all he said was, ‘You can’t prove that.’Next thing I know he forced me to ride on the back of his motorcycle all day,and would not let me off, because his girl friend was out of town and I wasalmost a woman.”

Still othersclaimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those whoresisted were allegedly held down while several bikers “farted on their heads.”

Police officialsdeclined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of theinvestigation, however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed“surprise” at the allegations.

“That’spreposterous,” said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee.“We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us.They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event.So, what did we do? We invited them to the party! What could be more friendlythan that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs doesnot mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows alack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after webent over backwards to make them feel welcome.”

Hi Peter and Friends,

Just received this from my Friends at The Patriotic Resistance ( http://resistnet.com ). It's kinda long, but well worth watching. Gives you something to think about.

What if the U.S. government released an "educational video" to teach today's Americans how to be good citizens?

And Willing To Die To Stay That Way!

Phil

G'Day Mate,

Now you're talking my Friend. Nothing I like better than a good Roast of Lamb...

Have A Great One My Friend,

Phil