A guy walks into a bar with a monkey. The monkey grabbed some olives off of the bar and ate them.
Then, he grabbed some sliced limes, and ate them.
He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls.
To everyone's amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it.
The bartender looked at the guy and said, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me." replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight, don't worry, I'll pay for the cue ball." The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for all that the Monkey ate, and then he left.
Two weeks later the guy came back, with his monkey. He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar, again. The monkey found a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and then ate it.
Then the monkey found a peanut, and again he stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it. The bartender asked, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.
"He will eat anything, but ever since he had to crap out that cue ball, he measures everything first."