Puns for Educated Minds
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
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2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
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3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
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4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
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5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
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6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
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7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
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8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
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9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
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10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
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13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
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14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
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15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
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16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
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17. A backward poet writes inverse.
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18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
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19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
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20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .
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21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
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22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
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23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
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24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
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25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
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26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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