Hope you will enjoy a bit of channeling humor.
HOW I REALLY BEGAN CHANNELING
When people ask me how I began channeling, "how I knew I had this gift," they usually expect to hear something cosmic such as "Michael appeared to me in my kitchen. They spoke to me out of the flame of my range and told me that it was my destiny to channel them," or something like that. However, the truth is actually much more down-to-earth.
One day, I was reading a magazine, and in the back was an ad for Famous Channelers' School (FCS). FCS offers a home-study course taught by world-renowned channels such as Maureen Johnson (who channels Millard Fillmore), Stephen (who channels a fifty-thousand-year-old Atlantean fashion designer, El Elan), and Lester Dumkowski (who channels extraterrestrials from the Great Green Cheese Brotherhood). I had never thought much about channeling, but they offered a free evaluation of your channeling talent. I thought, "What the heck!" and decided to give it a try. After all, I had nothing to lose.
The test simply consisted of drawing a picture of a dog they were thinking of. I tuned in to the Famous Channelers' School, and an image of a miniature poodle popped in to my mind--I didn't know why--so I drew it and sent it off. A few weeks later, when I had all but forgotten about the test, the results came in the mail. To my surprise, they had been thinking of a miniature poodle! They said I had a natural gift for channeling, and offered me a special deal on their course--just $499.95. So I decided to enroll.
The first entity I channeled was Alfred E. Neuman, which was interesting, in light of the fact that I had seen the ad for the school in Mad Magazine. I found his energy and insight quite healing, but after a while, "What, me worry?" was just not specific enough advice. I decided to look for another entity. It was then that Michael appeared to me in my kitchen, that very evening, while I was cooking dinner. They spoke to me out of the flame of the left rear burner of my Kenmore range. It was a miracle, because that burner had not been working, and now, flames were leaping four feet in the air! It was especially impressive because I had an electric range. After that, the whole thing broke down and I had to junk it. Anyway, Michael told me that we had agreements for me to channel them and for them to assist me in my spiritual growth. They said that Alfred's task was just to get me ready.
What was really interesting is that I had almost ordered in Chinese food that night, and something told me to heat up a can of pork and beans instead. I guess it was just my spiritual destiny. Anyway, I've been channeling Michael ever since.
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Dear Editor,
I was channeling the other day and got some really interesting material. I thought that the "Letters to the Editor" column would be a good place to share it. Basically, Michael has asked that the Michael community refrain from using the word basically throughout the entire mature soul cycle on earth. The basic reason for this is that throughout the end of the young soul cycle, it was used in almost every sentence. Michael feels, basically, that if it's used anymore, it will aggravate the basic mature soul tendency toward mental illness. In other words, it will drive everyone nuts.
So basically, Michael is asking that if we feel the need to use the word basically, we go to the positive pole of scholar and get out our thesaurus where we'll find words such as "fundamentally," "mainly," "primarily," and "principally," or better yet, go cold turkey and just say what we basically have to say without filler.
Basically yours, Shepherd Hoodwin
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Shepherd Hoodwin arrived on earth about eighty thousand years ago in a spaceship similar to the one Superman used to come from Krypton, only a little larger. He, too, was fleeing an exploding planet, his in the Sirius solar system. His spaceship splashed down off the coast of Africa, where local tribes greeted him as a god. Needless to say, that first lifetime on earth was quite pleasant, and he reincarnated into one of those tribes for his second earth lifetime as well.
During his young-soul cycle, Shepherd had several lifetimes as prominent politicians in Atlantis. After Atlantis sank (while he was off on business in Tibet) Shepherd turned to serious spiritual pursuits in lifetimes as high priests, shamans, and erotic dancers.
Shepherd's most notable past life was as Jesus's younger brother, Joe, Jr. of Nazareth (called "Little Joe"), who, ironically, was thought of at the time as the spiritual one in the family. To quote from the recently discovered Absene Gospels, "Joe, Jr. wenteth to temple everyday while his older brother was out with the boys in the wilderness--God knoweth what they were doing there. But Joe, Jr. idolized his brother and died tragically the summer after his Bar Mitzvah when he literally tried to walketh in his footsteps: he attempted to walketh on the water, and drowned. How sad that he didn't knoweth the secret of Jesus's flotation sandals, designed to save ferry money!"
According to Michael, in three parallel universes, Joe, Jr. survived and became the first sage infinite soul rather than his big brother (Jesus instead opened J&J Construction with John the Beloved). As the infinite soul, Joe, Jr. decided to bring massive spiritual transformation by putting on a musical for Pontius Pilate rather than being crucified. It was called Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream. Judas was especially good in the Bette Davis-type role (of course, women weren't allowed to perform in musicals in those days). This was Judas's true calling, and it gave him a constructive outlet for some of his Millennial angst and *****iness (he'd always been upset that Jesus liked John best).
In more recent lifetimes, Shepherd has been a pirate, several monks, and was tortured by the Inquisition! He also had several lifetimes as an agricultural engineer (formerly called "peasant"). He coauthored two brilliant bestsellers, the Bible and the Kamasutra. In a simultaneous past life in a parallel universe, he was Steve Lawrence, who popularized the song, "I've Got to Be Me" and had many other hits with his lovely wife and essence twin, Edie Gormé. He is also Robert Redford in several parallel universes.
In this present lifetime, likely his last (but not least), Shepherd is an international sex symbol, known the world around as "Flabio." He is on the faculty of California's Hunks State University at Malibu; his recently published papers include "Why Long, Dangly Earrings Make the Wrong Statement" and "Tattoos: How to Choose the Right Skull and Crossbones for Your Build." Despite the high price of fame (including having his expensive clothes ripped off whenever he leaves home), Shepherd takes quite seriously his responsibility to humanity.
Shepherd has also achieved international distinction for his numerous artistic accomplishments, including Oscar-winning screenplays, Pulitzer Prize-winning books, and Platinum Records--not in this universe, of course; that was in several parallel universes. In this universe, he hasn't gotten much done yet, but he intends to very soon.
In this lifetime in this universe, Shepherd was born in Chicago, Illinois on October 15, 1954, at 8:18 a.m. (for all you astrologers out there), but everyone guesses him to be twenty-eight. He attributes his youthful good looks to clean, healthy living and stunted emotional development. Incidentally, several astrologers have predicted that Shepherd would write musicals, since he's got the sun in the morning and the moon at night. He has naturally curly hair, and a B.M. from the University of Oregon. He is the lead singer for the band Sage Bleedthrough.
Shepherd makes his home in Laguna Beach, California with his "significant other," who happens to be a cat. Known as the "Michael Channel to the Stars," Shepherd has offered his expert advice to celebrities such as Chi-Chi LaRue and Eartha Quake. He has channeled internationally, from Santa Ana to Burbank. Shepherd is the creator of the popular personal growth workshop, "Potty-Training Your Inner Child," and is the author of Do-It-Yourself Near-Death Experiences--How to Die on the Operating Table and Come Back to Life in Ten Easy Steps. He has also published three volumes of memoirs, beginning with Life in the Right-Turn Only Lane, followed by Men Are from Mars, Shepherd is from Sirius. In his latest, Struck in the Head and Knocked Unconscious by the Light, Shepherd tells the moving story of his Near-Life Experience (NLE) in which he momentarily came into his body until he heard a voice calling him back.
Shepherd Hoodwin has met Shirley MacLaine's dentist.
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Hope you enjoyed them I will be be searching out more. As you know I am researching Famous Channelers and along the way there is bound to be something worthy of laughter, if not daily.