Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.
One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee , and the third is from Minnesota

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,
then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job
will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit
for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says,
"I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100
profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the
White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other
guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for y ou, and we
hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan works.

First of all, I wish you and your families a healthy, productive 2011!
I don't even know if the people listed below were all born in April1948 but if true, there is something "strange" about them being born in the same month! A good chuckle to start 2011 off right!



Subject: The year is 1947


AS A REMINDER FOR THOSE WITH POOR MEMORIES
The year is 1947

Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico . This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:

Albert A. Gore, Jr..
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and jackasses?
I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things
For you. It did for me.

No wonder they support the bill to help illegal aliens!



"REMEMBER....POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON"

A little koala bear wanders into a whorehouse. He climbs the stairs and finds a door open. He goes in to the room to find a naked prostitute asleep on the bed. He quickly climbs into the bed and begins performing oral sex on the prostitute.

She wakes up and decides that since it feels so good she'll let him finish..

The koala finishes, wipes his chin, climbs off the bed and heads for the door. The prostitute jumps up and yells at him "Hey, you have to pay for that". The koala shrugs and continues to head for the door.

The prostitute yells at him again, "Hey you have to pay for that. I'm a prostitute". She gets up and pulls a dictionary off a shelf and shows the koala the definition.

PROSTITUTE (n) a person receiving payment for sexual services.

The koala shrugs, takes the dictionary and turns the pages to the definition of koala bear.

KOALA (n.) a small bear that eats bushes and leaves.....!!!!

This one has been around for a while but I still get a kick out of it everytime I read it. :)