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I had such a great laugh this morning. With the brisk weather I am sure everyone has though about making a pot of chili. Or they have heard of or been part of a Chili Cookoff somewhere. This will bust you up. Be sure to visit the facilities prior to reading any further or you will wish you had. Judge #3 Will Make you wet your pants. Be sure to read all very carefully. The story gets better and better, especially his last one will make it all come together. Skipping to the end is of no benefit you truly want to laugh your hiney off...

a variation of my Texas Chili cook-off... you may have seen this before but it is too funny not to pass on. New Mexico Chili Cook-off If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I had tears in my eyes by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico ...... Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in or visited New Mexico, you know about their famous Chili Cook-off. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Santa Fe Plaza. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chile taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL . Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off.. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges ( Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3 ." Here are the scorecard notes from the event: CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy. CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. The Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer. CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ..... Just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac? CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them. CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone. CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili? Judge # 3 -- No report Barbe Miller V.P. Dunedin Chapter of New World Celts, Member of Clan Cleavage , Barbarians at the Gate, & Failte Factor

Hi Peter,

Just sitting here still basking in the after glow of the Elections. If Old Harry hadn't bought off all of the Casinos out there in Vegas, then we could have really been celebrating.

Here's a couple of my favorites from Late Night TV...

"The Carnival Cruise liner was disabled and drifted for two days without any power, thus earning the ship the nickname 'The Democratic Party.'" —Jay Leno

"President Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He's going to keep traveling until he finds his birth certificate." —David Letterman

"Things are getting so bad for Obama, today a gay teenager made a video showing him that it gets better." —Bill Maher

And my favorite among favorites...

"President Obama's foreign trip has been such a disaster that people in Kenya are now claiming he has an American birth certificate." —Jay Leno

Have A Terrific Week My Friends,

Phil

Hey guys it's cold and rainy here in East Tennessee today so chili sounds good to me but not too hot and spicy. Some things I like hot and spicy but not my chili. :)

Phil I love the jokes. I will have to copy and paste them and send out to my list.

Everyone have an awesome week.

Hey anyone heard from Peter? Did the Aliens get his sorry butt? Hey Peter where you at?

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Hi Phil, Evelyn, Jim & All,

I have to agree with Evelyn Phil the jokes are hilarious. What I like best is that the liberal comediennes are the ones laughing at B Hussein and the Dems. Now that's funny. :)

I found this in my inbox a short while ago sent by one of my good adland friends. I thought it was a funny coincidence getting this at this time but I guess there is a reason for everything that happens.

Shalom,

Peter

Urgent Warning for next Monday!

ALIENS ARE COMING TO EARTH NEXT MONDAY AND
THEIR MISSION IS TO ABDUCT ALL GOOD LOOKING
AND SEXY "OLD" PEOPLE.
I'M JUST E-MAILING YOU TO SAY GOODBYE.