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Jim 5805 11253 Holiday	RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week 11/10/2010 5:00:00 AM
	[if !mso]> Colonoscopy All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away." "I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy." "I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go." "I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes." "I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal." All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legsgot wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss . The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work... The ass hole is usually in charge If you don't send this to at least 4 people.... who gives a Poop !
	May Wisdom and the knowledge you gained go with you, Jim Allen III Skype: JAllen3D Everything You Need For Online Success
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Mary Evelyn 23244 5352 Strawb...	RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week 11/10/2010 2:02:59 PM
	Since we are in the midst of the football season I thought this one, even though it's been around for a while, was very appropriate. :) Blondes and football - A new aspect of football! It's Super Bowl Time Again................. Football FINALLY makes sense . . . .to blondes A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. 'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.' Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?' 'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!:)

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Jim 5805 11253 Holiday	RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week 11/10/2010 2:16:34 PM
	Timeless for sure Quote: Since we are in the midst of the football season I thought this one, even though it's been around for a while, was very appropriate. :) Blondes and football - A new aspect of football! It's Super Bowl Time Again................. Football FINALLY makes sense . . . .to blondes A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. 'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.' Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?' 'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!:)
	May Wisdom and the knowledge you gained go with you, Jim Allen III Skype: JAllen3D Everything You Need For Online Success
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Peter 1470 7259 Lod	RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week 11/12/2010 11:59:04 PM
	Hi Evelyn & Jim, If you think about it the blonde sorta got the point of the game. Shalom, Peter NO SPEAKAH DA ENGLISH.... A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." The lady can't take this anymore, "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig!" She retorted indignantly. ''In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Whooza talkin' about sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi ". $5.00 says you're gonna read this again!
	Peter Fogel Babylon 7
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Jim

5805

11253

Holiday

RE: Your Friday Chuckle - Every Day Of The Week

11/14/2010 3:37:17 PM

I had such a great laugh this morning. With the brisk weather I am sure everyone has though about making a pot of chili. Or they have heard of or been part of a Chili Cookoff somewhere. This will bust you up. Be sure to visit the facilities prior to reading any further or you will wish you had. Judge #3 Will Make you wet your pants. Be sure to read all very carefully. The story gets better and better, especially his last one will make it all come together. Skipping to the end is of no benefit you truly want to laugh your hiney off...

a variation of my Texas Chili cook-off... you may have seen this before but it is too funny not to pass on.

New Mexico Chili Cook-off

If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I had tears in my eyes by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico ......

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.

For those of you who have lived in or visited New Mexico, you know about their famous Chili Cook-off. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Santa Fe Plaza. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chile taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL .

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off.. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges ( Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3 ."

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. The Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ..... Just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 -- No report

Barbe Miller

V.P. Dunedin Chapter of
New World Celts,

Member of Clan Cleavage ,
Barbarians at the Gate,
& Failte Factor

May Wisdom and the knowledge you gained go with you,

Jim Allen III
Skype: JAllen3D
Everything You Need For Online Success

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