We will slip, Marty, but its having the ability to get up and face another day that makes the difference.  Understanding we have control is half the battle.

I gave my control to doctors and medication.  Long ago, I told them, if I ever get bad enough to be hospitalized, they better lock me and throw away the key, because I will NEVER take their medications again.

When I "slip" now its nothing like what I used to do years ago.  The reason for that is I know the signs, I know the triggers.  My problem is allowing the highs to get out of control.  If I keep the highs in check, my lows aren't as bad. 

To Us and Another Wonderful Day

Sincerely,

Terry 

Hello Joe,

The best I can suggest is to get the "Good Mood Therapy" book by, Dr David Burns.  He explains it the best.  He was my hero for a long time after I read his book.  There is also has a questionnaire in the book that is very accurate for diagnosing depression.

I'm sorry you lost your friend.  Despite knowing about it doesn't necessarily make a difference.  I visited my Uncle one day.  I knew he wasn't well, but he was under the care of a doctor (he was home not in a hospital where in my opinion he should have been).  He was also taking Prozac.  The morning after I saw him last he hung himself.

Depression is ugly and not to be taken lightly.

Unfortunately, if a person has those intentions nothing is going to stop them, short of locking them up and throwing away the key as I mentioned in a previous post. 

Unfortunately, again too many are depending on medication.  The medication doesn't stop suicide and in my opinion adds to the problem rather than helps to solve it.

In my humble opinion, Doctors don't have time to deal with depressed people ... its much easier to write a prescription. 

In my case the more desperate I became, I feel the more desperate the doctors became.  I will discuss more about what medications did to me in another post.

Sincerely,

Terry

God Bless You Terry,

Your the one who started this  Vital Forum and you get all the Credit.I will contribute with complete honesty ,you can count on me!There are different causes of Depression.One that many Psychiatrists agree on is a Chemical Imbalance.Another is called Situational Depression.It is brought on by some major trauma,real or perceived.An example is ,The loss of a loved one,Serious Illness,Or large Financial Loss, like Bankruptcy etc.My Depression started as a chemical imbalance when I was a little boy.I come from a negative background where my whole family was depressed and I thought that this was the way life is to be lived.That there is no hope.The best way I can describe it is a constant feeling of impending doom.Around 6 years ago I suffered from severe situational depression.It was triggered off by a huge loss of money in the Stock Market in 2001.I could go on and on, but to be honest the only partial cure that I found was first Becomming  aware and taking deciesive action.I also found God which was and is a great help.I recognize my triggers now and with me It's a lifetime job,every day of my life,keeping aware of your feelings so that you don't slip back. But trust me it's worth it and I don't walk around  like the victim feeling sorry for myself.I just want all of you to know that there is help out there .whether self-help or professional and there is a lot of hope that you can live a normal life.I know,today everything considered, I am a pretty happy guy.

A short poem that makes a lot of sense to me.

"Two men looked out behind Prison Bars. One saw Mud  the other saw Stars"

Many Blessings,

Marty Bromberg

God Bless you again, Terry for what Marty termed a "vital forum".

Miriam Webster's dictionary says depression is a state of feeling sad : a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies : a reduction in activity, amount, quality, or force  : a lowering of vitality or functional activity

For me it was a BLACK HOLE.  A place I didn't want to come out of.  Though I functioned on a daily basis, I had this secret deathwish.  No one could see where my "being" was.  I hid it VERY WELL.  And like you, Terry, even when I was suicidal, there wasn't a soul who had discovered my black little secret.

Joe, it is possible that your friend was exactly the same way. Fully functioning on the outside and slowing sliding on the inside.

Marty's very right about there being 2 types of depression.  Mine was first deemed - after a suicide attempt - to be physiological.  (I knew it wasn't, but I certainly wasn't going to argue with them). After all, I still hadn't admitted that I was depressed.  Needless to say, I didn't get much better for a while.  The side effects from the drugs were AWFUL and besides I really didn't need them anyway.

Some where along the line, in one of the scads of books I was reading in an attempt to discover me, I came to the smack in the face realization that the only person who could really help me, was me.  I was hard core, I even got some kind of twisted joy in wallowing in my own self-pity! 

That was many years ago.  Just like everyone who's ever been there, I slip from time to time.  I surround myself with positive people, positive books, and God, and there are still ocasional triggers that set me into a state of impending doom.  The difference between then and now is that I no longer find any enjoyment in wallowing in my self pity and most of all I recognize the switch almost immediately from the happy me to the one in the black hole.

Here is the biggy for me - and it works fast.  As soon as I know there's a cloud overhead - I pray, and then I put on an ON PURPOSE SMILE and I remember that the CHOICE IS MINE!!!  I can CHOOSE to get out of bed and brush my teeth and have a happy day - or not!  I can CHOOSE to enjoy and pay attention to everything people say to me - or not.  I can CHOOSE to be content and happy - or not!   I learned too that the KISS principal (Keep It Simple Silly), made much more sense than all of the clincal mumbo jumbo and and all of the "theories".  I just prefer even to this day to fall back on the daily check on me and get over it!

Had it been a depression that did require the medication, well things may not have been that easy.  I do know that the job never ends.  I know I couldn't have done it without lots of self development and a very good professional who is now a great friend. There is help for all types of depression.  If you are depressed, and you recognize it, reach out and ask for help.  I

Hope I haven't overstayed my welcome!

Thanks Terry and Marty for being so honest and helpful.  If this discussion helps one person it will be worth every second!

Hi Judy and Terry,

I feel a sense of relief just reading what you guy's have been through and how you both have helped yourselves.All of us who have this "Black Cloud" are going to find out through this forum, that they are not alone and that there is a lot of HOPE! I welcome all Adlanders who either have this problem or someone you love has it,Get your feelings out.You are amongs't people who are just like you and care.You will then see how good this makes you feel.

Best,

Marty Bromberg